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They drank and then slept, sinking to oblivion as they dropped on the
ground, not waiting to undo their blankets or pick out comfortable
spots. The sun, lifting a bright eye above the earth's rim, shot its
long beams over their motionless figures, "bundles of life," alone in a
lifeless world. David alone could not rest. Withdrawn from the others he lay in the
shadow of the wagon, watching small points in the distance with a
glance that saw nothing. All sense of pain and weakness had left him.
Physically he felt strangely light and free of sensation. With his
brain endowed with an abnormal activity he suffered an agony of spirit
so poignant that there were moments when he drew back and looked at
himself wondering how he endured it. He was suddenly broken away from
everything cherished and desirable in life. The bare and heart-rending
earth about him was as the expression of his ruined hopes. And after
these submergences in despair a tide of questions carried him to
livelier torment: Why had she done it? What had changed her? When had
she ceased to care? All his deadened manhood revived. He wanted her, he owned her, she was
his. Sick and unable to fight for her she had been stolen from him,
and he writhed in spasms of self pity at the thought of the cruelty of
it. How could he, disabled, broken by unaccustomed hardships, cope
with the iron-fibered man whose body and spirit were at one with these
harsh settings? He was unfitted for it, for the heroic struggle, for
the battle man to man for a woman as men had fought in the world's dawn
into which they had retraced their steps. He could not make himself
over, become another being to appeal to a sense in her he had never
touched. He could only plead with her, beg mercy of her, and he saw
that these were not the means that won women grown half savage in
correspondence with a savage environment. Then came moments of exhaustion when he could not believe it. Closing
his eyes he called up the placid life that was to have been his and
Susan's, and could not think but that it still must be. Like a child
he clung to his hope, to the belief that something would intervene and
give her back to him; not he, he was unable to, but something that
stood for justice and mercy. All his life he had abided by the law,
walked uprightly, done his best. Was he to be smitten now through no
fault of his own? It was all a horrible dream, and presently there
would be an awakening with Susan beside him as she had been in the
first calm weeks of their betrothal. The sweetness of those days
returned to him with the intolerable pang of a fair time, long past and
never to come again. He threw his head back as if in a paroxysm of
pain. It could not be and yet in his heart he knew it was true. In
the grip of his torment he thought of the God that watching over Israel
slumbered not nor slept. With his eyes on the implacable sky he tried
to pray, tried to drag down from the empty gulf of air the help that
would bring back his lost happiness. At Susan's first waking movement he started and turned his head toward
her. She saw him, averted her face, and began the preparations for the
meal. He lay watching her and he knew that her avoidance of his glance
was intentional. He also saw that her manner of preoccupied bustle was
affected. She was pale, her face set in hard lines. When she spoke
once to Daddy John her voice was unlike itself, hoarse and throaty, its
mellow music gone.
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