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Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of ...
Rosalind Wiseman

Three Rivers Press, 2002 - 352 pages

average customer review:based on 94 reviews
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   highly recommended  highly recommended






Inside the (Young) Female Mind

This book has so much valuable information regarding both young females and males. I checked it out of the library, but it is so good that I will buy it for myself. After much trouble understanding my daughter, her rebellion, her lack of sociability with peers whom I deemed "socially acceptable", I was relieved to finally be able to see clearly how she was being shaped by her world. I would highly recommend this book to parents, health professionals, and teachers (I am or have been all three of these)!


A MUST read

I recommend this book CONSTANTLY to parents and educators to help them learn what's really going on with teen and preteen girls. Queen Bees is a MUST read!

Julia DeVillers, author of Girlwise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool and In Control


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You need this! Practical and inspirational!

This is a truly remarkable book, extremely well-organized, inspirational, and full of real practical advice. Wiseman first details the different social roles girls play in adolescent 'societey' - what she calls "Girl World" - such as the Queen Bee, the Banker, the Target. Then she describes the different kind of social dilemmas these roles can cause. But - most importantly -she tells readers (presumably parents) WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

This is not just proscriptive advice, although there is a lot of that too (e.g., "how to tell if she's had a party while you were away"). One thing that really impressed me about Wiseman's approach is that she gives parents an entire way of approaching problems that they can share with their daughters.

In other words, she doesn't tell you what your rules should be (she leaves that to YOU, thank goodness), but she does tell you how to get your daughter to think about why you as a parent have created them and your family's values should mean to her.

A second thing that really impressed me about this book is that it is wholly non-judgmental: it does not divide girls into Good and Bad/Mean. If your daughter is a Queen Bee, Wiseman knows she has problems too, and she helps you figure out how to solve them.

For more conservative parents, it's worth mentioning that this non-judgmental approach extends to issues of sexual orientation, including homophobia and same-sex attraction. Other reviewers have been rather upset by this, but keep the problem in perspective: out of 288 pages, I counted 4-5 that discussed homophobia in boys and another 4-5 around issues of same-sex attraction. That doesn't seem out-of-proportion in a 200+ page book if something like 5-10% of our daughters are gay. Wiseman's opinion on the subject is clear, but fundamentally she is arguing in favor of parents' right --and NEED--to communicate their own family values to their daughters.

My daughter is only 3, but I can already see the social structure that girls impose on each other -- when she comes home saying "So-and-so says she is not my friend anymore." I am very grateful to Wiseman for giving me a headstart toward providing her with a healthy adolescence.


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Made me think...

about the subtle clues my own daughters give to me about their lives outside of our home. This book asks the reader to be honest with themselves over several points in this book in hopes that we, as mothers, don't try to pigeon-hole our daughters to our own experiences but to open up and discuss our experiences with them. As I read the book, I invited my daugher's friends over and watched them interact. I had to laugh as I saw what I read in the book, materialize before my eyes. Very insightful book!


reviews: 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, page 16, 17, 18, 19



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