ON THE ROAD WITH MIDLIFE CRISIS

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	• How to Survive Your Husband's Midlife Crisis: Strategies and Stories from the Midlife Wives Club Gay Courter, Pat Gaudette Perigee Trade, 2003 - 288 pages average customer review:based on 6 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

ON THE ROAD WITH MIDLIFE CRISIS

With a skeptical attitude, I flipped open HOW TO, prepared to breeze through it in a flash. But this compelling page turner forced me to admit that I too had lived through a husband's midlife crisis when "his problem" had indeed "become my problem." Lest other "perilous journeys" along the midlife road express too much of an Ann Landers' sentiment, Courter, a veteran author and film-maker, and Guadette, the founder of [a website], provide the biological, psychological and anthropological frame that makes this book a more serious read. Old familiars like the Eric H. Erikson model give the developmental backing for new models like The Four Types of Midlife Men by Farrell and Rosenberg (MEN AT MIDLIFE) whose pyscho-babble ("punitive disenchanted, pseudo-developed, trasncendent generative") is nevertheless a window on how social class and stress affects midlife behavior.
While the sections on depression and anger are illuminating, counseling couples trapped in traditional gender roles is often counter-productive whereas groups restricted by gender provide less opportunity to play man-woman games and more pressure to stop blaming the partner and look instead within. Social models like 12-step and role change groups (as established by pioneer Charles Kreiner) penetrate harmful role behaviors that keep women from thinking for themselves and men from expressing their feelings via any conduit but anger. Role change models do not encourage the use of prescribed drugs for coping with grief and crisis whereas HOW TO sees it as necessary when depression is long-standing. The problem with using medication is that the touted short-term use often turns into long time dependency, as documented by Glunmullen in PROZAC BACKLASH: OVERCOMING THE DANGERS OF PROZAC, ZOLOFT, PAXIL AND OTHER ANTIDEPRESSANTS WITH SAFE EFFECTIVE ALTERNATIVES. According to Glunmullen, fifty percent of users who quit will suffer withdrawl symptoms and neurological effects can include tics, agitation, muscle spasm and - in some cases- Parkinson's Syndrome.
However, HOW TO itself provides a number of alternatives to drugs: life style changes and in the Appendix websites, hotlines, readings and support groups. In the final section, guidance is offered for the most difficult task along the "perilous journey:" forgiveness. Welcome To The Club.

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