For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

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	• For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women Shaunti Feldhahn, Jeff Feldhahn Multnomah Books, 2006 - 192 pages average customer review:based on 94 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

Outstanding book! I learned alot, but my wife appreciated me reading it even more because of the things we can now discuss more openly. Quick and easy to read - with a very handy cheat sheet up front to remind you of the key points once you get done. To score even more points with your wife - get her the corresponding "For Women Only" book so she can learn some surprising things about you.

Guys, you should check this out ... :)

This is a must read for men who desire to better understand their better half. It's a quick, easy read that explains what men don't get about their significant other.

I think that this would be good for both Christians and Non-Christians alike! Such a great book!

j

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Smackdown: 4 Men Only vs 4 Women Only

Both books were interesting. But scanning the reviews for both books today was more illuminating.

"For Men Only" - helping men figure out their fairer partner - garnered about 90 comments thus far. The few negative reviews (less than 3 stars) were from two apparently unhappily-married guys, and a woman suggesting if you didn't already know what women wanted you were clueless. The rest, mostly by women (my best guess here, given the pronouns and screen names used by reviewers), offered glowing commentary of how important it is to understand and meet a woman's needs. Ah, the importance of patience, kindness, listening. My favorites were the ones in all capitals and exclamation points. Yes, yes, YES, YES!!!

Now scan the "For Women Only" comments - all 212 of them. Thus far there are 29 negative reviews (including 16 "1 star" votes) for a book on how ladies can better love their men. There were a few unhappy guys, mostly complaining the book wasn't "biblical" enough, but the bulk came from ladies insulted (!) by the idea of compromising their feminine selves for some man.

The ladies offered such loving things as:

"Unfortunately, this book is only going to help you if you're a fat nagging religious close minded wife who's let herself go."

"The entire book was about stroking a man's ego at the expense of anything the woman may want."

"This book is full of generalizations and stereotypes that should have gone out of fashion at the same time as beehive hairdos."

"If you want to find a reason to play into all of the broad societal expectations about your personal appearance, your sexual boundaries, and general steps to becoming a Stepford wife, then this is your book!"

Or my favorite: "There is an underlying "good" here that is twisted in a package that will be ultimately damaging to our children and to ourselves. Yes, we must be careful of our spouse's emotional, physical, sexual, and relational needs. But we must do this out of love and respect that is guided by a sense of mutuality in the marriage relationship, not by catering to an unhealthy sense of self-worth that is so pervasive in the responses of Feldhahn's participants. Feldhahn has taken these unhealthy responses and twisted them into normal "healthy" responses that women must then take care of through their behavior and appearance. We should not buy into this myth. Rather, we should take seriously the feelings of low self-esteem, poor attachment, and an un-Biblical view of the role of women in a marriage relationship that were demonstrated by the participant's responses and work to improve the messages we are sending the men in our society."

Obviously a graduate of Women's Studies at Wellesley College.

Now, don't get me wrong. The large majority of both men and women who read these two books found them helpful in understanding the opposite sex a little better. Most couples also found them to be good conversation-starters, important for any relationship. Having scanned both I also thought there was plenty of useful info in each. It's hard, though, to miss the more gracious thoughts liberally applied to his book about her, compared to the begrudging admission in the other that, well, men like being loved too.

Speaking of usefulness, perhaps the person these books helped the most was a former boyfriend of Ms. Rhonda Pyle of Corpus, TX:

"My boyfriend gave me this book in hopes that I would read it and think that what it was saying was insightful and profound. He thought it could help make me into the woman he wanted me to be. I just want to say to the women that are considering buying this book: I broke up with my boyfriend of two years - who I was going to marry - shortly after he gave me this unhelpful, uninspired piece of material. I was glad though; it revealed to me the kind of man he was. I don't think this helped me understand men more; it just made excuses for them. I remember thinking how often it excused men's insecurities and how women should just be OK with this obvious fault. I'm a Christian woman, but I don't believe that women have to be pushovers for men in order to be a righteous woman in their marriages..."

Wherever you are, bro, count your blessings. You dodged a bullet thanks to this little book.

Perhaps Ms. Rhonda's unwittingly found the most important reason to buy Shaunti's stuff: Give a copy to your (prospective) mate and see what happens. If it gets devoured and put into action, you're a lucky guy/gal. If it remains un-opened on the nightstand or ends up in the garbage disposal, perhaps you should reconsider your options...

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Females really are comprehensible - well, almost

In order for any relationship to succeed, you need to understand each other. For almost 20 years my wife would irritate something awful, and we were on the verge of a divorce in 2007.

I'm not going to say something goofy like 'this book saved our marriage' but this and it's companion book for women are definitely a good tool to have if you're interested in working on your relationship.

The key word is work. If you're not both willing to work at it, it's pretty much hopeless. If you are, this is a good read.

reviews: 1, page 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

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