Swept off your feet and then pushed away or dumped? This book is for you.

books:


	• He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships Steven Carter, Julia Sokol Dell, 1995 - 352 pages average customer review:based on 70 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Swept off your feet and then pushed away or dumped? This book is for you.

If you're really ready for things to be different, get this book. Just be ready for the answer not to be what you want. I just found myself recommending this book to the umpteenth smart woman who upturned her life for the wrong man who had swept her off her feet with intense declarations of love and devotion only to bizarrely dump her. The authors do a great job of showing how both parties are playing their part and what you can and probably shouldn't do to end the pain (against every instinct sometimes, that's why this book is so valuable). This book demystifies the 'why'. Once I understood it I was able to really accept the very challenging questions that helped me examine and change my behavior too, and that's the life-changing part that ultimately meant so much. That part of the book is like the therapist you hope you find if you really want your life to be different (when you're finally done trying to get him to act different): knowledgeable, trustworthy and keeping the focus on "Why are you here?" "Why didn't you get turned off or run at the very first (or second) sign of their bizarre interest or ambivalence?" "Is your life fulfilling to you? If it was, why would you abandon so much of it for someone else?" "Why were you so receptive to someone who put you on a pedestal without really knowing you?" "How committed are you to the rest of your life: children, community, jobs, self-care, hobbies vs. romance?" These aren't direct quotes, but definitely the types of issues the authors raise. There are a lot of labels this book doesn't go into, but you might also want to investigate sex addiction and personality disorders (narcissistic or borderline) as well: understanding how troubled someone is and that you're just playing an interchangeable part in their drama might help you let go. Good luck!

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Highly Recommended!

As a psychotherapist, I find myself talking about this book on a weekly basis. It is important for people to understand that committment phobia is a real syndrome that can be overcome. The expert guidance of these authors offer gives people insight AND the confidence to grow.

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Life Changing

I read this book from cover to cover, highlighted lots of passages, then re-read the book again. I've just gotten out of a relationship with a commitment phobic man and I'm left picking up the pieces. This book has saved my life and given me new hope. My therapist has read this book, too, and I constantly refer to it. My partner was the ultimate textbook case of a CP. It's unbelievable, it was like they were writing about him all the time. Unfortunately, I read this book towards the end of the relationship. I highly recommend this book to anyone who believes they are involved with a CP and would like to change their way of looking at their future relationships. Also read by the same authors, Men Who Can't Love.

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He's Scared, She's Scared

This book is bloody brilliant and this is the fourth copy I've bought to give away. I read "Men Who Can't Love" years ago when I was trying to get out of a dead end (albeit quite fascinating) relationship and thought it was spot on but it didn't explain my part in things where this book not only shows you how to recognize your own patterns but gives you some good advice on how to get unstuck. It reads very quickly. They have a habit of reiterating quite a bit with real life examples (I could easily be one of them) but perhaps we need to hear it again and again. I have told so many people about this book and I can't recommend it enough, it's so worth the cover price. I've also read Carter/Sokols What Smart Women Know and Men Like Women who Like Themselves...I only wish I read them years ago.

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