Good for understanding younger grades too

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	• Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of ... Rosalind Wiseman Three Rivers Press, 2002 - 352 pages average customer review:based on 94 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Good for understanding younger grades too

Teen and Tweenie social lives can be a touchy subject for some. I'm a teacher, and I love kids, and I like all of the ones I deal with, whether they fit as "Queen Bees", "Wannabes" "Floaters" or any other little label.

But still, I think as adults we tend to idealize kids, see the cute and innocent qualities, and tend to turn a bit of a blind eye to the politics between friends, and sometimes even to the attitudes of our students toward class outcasts. As adults, the way they behave can seem quaint, but for the kids themselves, grades 6-8 can be a hard time socially, and it doesn't make it any easier if teachers just turn a blind eye to it and shrug it off thinking "they'll grow out of it".

On the flipside, I think adults that had a hard time during these grades themselves tend to want to brush it aside as "that was then, now I'm all grown-up, and I realize how silly all that was, and one day my daughter/students will too". As nice as that feels to say as an adult, it might not be very helpful to a 12-year-old who'll have to deal with school as her reality for 6 more years.

Finally, a complaint I've heard about this book is that while it presents a depressing reality at times, it doesn't give much advice on what parents and educators can do, and the counselling advice is dismissed by some as being too preach or too idealistic.

I think that this book is worth reading even if you don't intend to try a counselling approach right away. It could change yor attitudes to how you handle your class. Speaking as an elementary school teacher, what I've come to realize since I read this is that while you can't always cram everything you know and think down your students throats, sometimes just knowing what's going on and having an objective view of it can help you build a healthy classroom where everyone is appreciated and respected- the popular kids as well as the loners.

For example, the author describes how when the popular girl in a fifth grade class gets paired up with a fat unpopular girl and has to hold her hand during a game in gym class, she feins digust and how all the other kids laugh. A lot of teachers blow this off as kids being kids and ignore it, but if your read this book you'll have a clearer idea of whats going on, and the pecking order that makes it allowable.

I can't claim my classes are little social utopias now, with every kid and group in perfect harmony, but I CAN say that in the time since I've read this book, those types of situations happen much less if at all. The popular kids are still popular, but while I don't come right out with it and try to preach, subtly through the first few months there are different expectations on them about what makes a good person and what kind of attitudes will make them accepted and respected. The kids get along better, aren't embarrassed about being in other groups for work (Even if they'd prefer being with their friends), and most importantly, the shyer and more awkward kids are more comfortable to speak and participate, and begin to get along with the others and become more accepted.

In short, the world of girls at this age is complicated and not an easy thing to deal with for anyone. But learning about it and having a clear view of it WILL help.

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A "must read" for every parent!!!

It can be painful to look back honestly at your junior high and high school experiences. But it will better enable you to help your children navigate through those emotionally turbulent years. Rosalind Wiseman has the personal and professional experience to guide any reader to a better understanding of the pitfalls and landmines on this journey. She offers not only her words, but the words of many 11-21 year olds that are currently in the trenches. Very interesting, very insightful, and seemingly dead on target. A surprisingly easy read although the subject matter is almost gruesome at times, in the degree of painful insight it offers.

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Realistic and honest

I am a 25 year-old girl who has experienced many of the situations cited in this book, either as the target or the bully. I grew up an overweight, unpopular, artsy little girl. In the 8th grade, I lost a ton of weight, grew, and my clothes became trendy. Needless to say, things changed. With one easy swoop, I went from victim to bully. Only now, as a (young) adult, I come to terms with both my nerdy, victim past and my mean girl high school years, with the help of this book. As other reviwers noted, most teenage girls will probbaly experience both sides of the scenario and often are a combination of the traits lised for each of the diff. person. types. As others noted with this book, there is no judgement imposed on the "mean girls". Most girls have "mean" moments, no matter how quiet, shy or unassuming, and I think Wiseman portrays this accurately. Sometimes, the worst bullying is from girls who simply follow others or stealthily do things, like not inviting someone out with a group of friends or not being honest because they're too "nice". I find it completely annoying that alot of the mothers/teachers/family friends/etc. who are commenting on here refuse to believe that their daughtes/students are not like that. ALL girls, or kids, are to some degree. It doesn't make them evil or not great kids. It makes them human. You can still be "hysterically funny, kind, emotional, creative and most of all INDIVIDUALS" as one reviwer wrote but still have mean girl moments. I don't think Wiseman oversimplifies. I think alot of the parents and teacher do in their reviews. Kids are much more complex than being good or bad. The mean girls need love too and have problems as well. I'd like to believe that some people are just mean and that's it but that's often not the case. Some are defensive or have family problems or are insecure or are being abused or may be depressed. Wiseman doesn't demonize anyone in this book, which I find great. In addition, to the reviewer who said she has no credentials and should not be writing about this, as a youngish adult woman, I'd rather have someone who knows what goes on and is close in age commenting on this stuff than someone who is out of touch.

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reviews: 1, 2, page 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

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