A Must-Read for Parents of Challenging Children

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	• The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible ... Ross W. Greene Harper Paperbacks, 2005 - 320 pages average customer review:based on 155 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Very helpful

This book can be very helpful to parents diagnosed as ADHD who do not respond to the classical behavior modification programs--or whose negative behaviors are so numerous that one cannot try correcting them all at once.

The book suggests creating a kind of "basket" system to help modify your child's behavior--Basket A being for things that are simply too dangerous to permit, under any circumstances, Basket B for things one needs to address firmly, and Basket C being for behaviors one chooses to set aside for the time being.

The book strongly suggests negotiating with oppositional children, thus giving them a voice in decisions made about them. Of course, the trick is to give the child only choices that are acceptable to begin with.

A very useful guide for children whom doctors do not understand, and cannot seem to diagnose correctly.

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A Must-Read for Parents of Challenging Children

Ross Greene has written an incredibly insightful book about the kids for whom traditional parenting techniques just don't work. He explains well why kids who yell, scream, and generally melt down over what seem to be -- to parents and others -- inconsequential things can't just "be flexible." And he explains well why the traditional carrot-and-stick approach of rewards and consequences just doesn't work with these kids. As a parent of a child who went from colic as an infant to tantrums as a toddler to explosions and melt downs as a child, I know what he's talking about, and I've tried all those other techniques that haven't worked. Greene lets parents see that kids who lack frustration tolerance and flexibility need extra support and a different approach to learning those skills, the way a kid with a reading disability needs extra support and a different approach to reading. It all makes so much sense, but is a great departure from the typical limit-setting approaches. Once I started reading it, I couldn't put it down. It's really helping me to become the parent I want to be!

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The most important book I've ever read

If I had to choose the most important book I've ever read, the one that most influenced my life, the one book I could not afford to have missed, it would be this book.

We read it about seven years ago. My marginalia sprawled from the pages to the back covers, replete with emphatic circles, arrows and double underlines.

I'm sure I'd benefit from re-reading it, but, frankly, I've been living it for a long time. It's kind of burned into my brain.

There are some quibbles I have. Time outs, for example, work well if they're used as calming interventions that last from seconds to a minute (even though we call them "punishments" since that's what our son prefers, they are only to allow him time to calm himself).

The fundamentals, however, are as sound as can be. I most appreciate the modesty I remember. Greene is frank that not every child has a happy ending -- no matter the interventions. We're talking a serious struggle here.

There can be some funny side-effects when these methods are used for many years. We have three children, and for the sake of fairness all are raised with a similar approach (this is probably not the optimal approach for a neurotypical child, but it's not bad).

After seven years of teaching negotiation, they are somewhat mercenary, and they are very effective negotiators. Sometimes they'll settle for a penny or a vague promise, but they do see every request as an opportunity for negotiating something in return.

Well, there are worse outcomes.

Even if you have a merely difficult child, or straightforward ADHD, or mere high IQ autism, or simple Asperger's, you should read this book.

If you have an explosive child, you must read this book.

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best for older children

I'd heard about this book from a friend who is a child psychologist and it seemed like the first step for us on the road to helping our son. However, he's only three years old and the book seems intended for the 8-12 year old set. I still found some of it useful however.

reviews: 1, 2, 3, page 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

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