Still, it certainly made me think about how I relate to the people in my life.THE BEST "DANCE" BOOK YET! "I've read all of Harriet Lerner's books starting with The Dance of Anger which has been my relationship bible. But The Dance of Connection is her best book yet. Lerner is wise and helpful, funny and real. The chapters that meant the most to me was one on clarifying a bottom line and another about "voicing the ultimate" in marriage. I finally got the difference between complaining and being able to take a clear position with my husband--and stay with it. Together with the chapter on warming things up, this book has already made a huge difference in my marriage. I was also fascinated by the author's revealing story about her dad's silence and how it effected the family. There's terrific advice on how to "find your voice"--and what to do and say--when you are rejected and cut off by a family member.
But each and every effort on my part to communicate (so far anyway--5 years now--but "never say never" I guess--but let's face it--it's going to be "never"--My own mom died when I was 7 and there's no one to support or take my side now) has met with either NO response (best scenario), or else my letters/gifts returned by the PostMan, unopened and marked "refused by sender" (a little worse)--or (worst case scenario) you get horrible ranting hostile personal attacking email, or phone call which attacks you personally as being "unfit" or "bad" human deserving of nothing good--and completely failing to address the hurt one had originally mentioned, and attempted to resolve--just adding a myriad of new painful hostilie attacks on one instead. I never believed one's own father could choose his ego/pride over his only daughter's heart and soul--but I was wrong. I am a living example that sometimes..."sh-t happens." And you cannot stop it. Unfair "sh-t" happens and you're powerless to prevent and/or resolve it. A relationship involves 2 people. 1 person cannot fix it. No matter how hard she might try or desire it otherwise. And that is a pain I hope no one else (although I'm sure there must be some) has to share with me.
Just a word to the "wise..." (and/or "ignorant"--as the case may be)
Thanks! And don't stop trying anyway, ok? Shalom, to all my human brothers and sisters--all human siblings everywhere...