Response to Renee's review

books:


	• Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't Henry Cloud, John Townsend Zondervan, 1996 - 208 pages average customer review:based on 40 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Life Changing

I'm a 'Pleaser'. There, I said it. If you are someone who has excellent boundaries, is able to discern when people are using you, or treat you well one day and not the next, don't buy this book.
If, however, you are like me (before I read 'Safe People') and find yourself constantly wearing yourself to a frazzle trying to make everyone happy all the time, HURRY and buy this book.
'Safe People' will help you identify those in your life whom you find relate to you negatively if you don't perform to THEIR expectations. And, you'll see in this book people like the ones in your own life who will treat you well one day (or minute) and will be hurtful to you the next.
Drs. Townsend and Cloud have co-authored several books, including their flagship book 'Boundaries'. I began my journey to healthy relationships here and immediately read 'Safe People' after I completed 'Boundaries'. BOTH are EXCELLENT! If, I could wave a magic wand, I'd make both books mandatory reading for receiving a High School diploma!
'Safe People' did change my life. I KNOW who's who now. And I don't allow unsafe people into my life...EVER!

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Response to Renee's review

I find Renee's review below to be hypercritical. Safe People is an exceptional tool for recognizing unsafe relationships--an engaging, warm, insightful and indispensable book, especially but not exclusively for Christians. I would put it in the category of Changes that Heal and Boundaries both for sharp insight and practical help. O.K., now look--no book does everything, and there other books which approach this topic from a different angle. Coping With Difficult People, for example, by Robert Bramson is good re people who manipulate at work, dominate in conversation, etc, but especially in high-powered situations like the office. Dealing With Difficult People (sorry, can't remember
author's name) had insights on games people play, adult-child-p arent patterns of relating to others, avoiding certain psychological "rackets", and even leading groups of difficult people, written years before the self-help revolution. His book is a stand-out, but often runs out of space for truly in-depth solutions. Difficult Conversations, by the Harvard Negotiation project, is the best book on practical communication--head and shoulders above, for example, Caring Enough to Confront, which itself is admittedly good. What Safe People does, very, very well, is increase one's ability to discern the unsafe people around us, and those same tendencies within ourselves. In doing so, it includes a substantial amount of practical advice and wry but humble wisdom.

I do agree with Sister Renee that a section could have been written on 1)how to get out of such relationships especially when they are really sticky ones; 2)a step-by step approach to finding and grooming really good and rewarding relationships; 3)and a really good, annotated bibliography for doing further work on specific areas of relationship. As a matter of fact, I think Dr. Cloud would be the perfect person to write just such a sequel. I think a series of novels could be written for young adults which could indirectly address just such issues. Maybe Sister Renee herself should write something about the abusive, destructive types she is more concerned with.

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Safe People

Well... I sure didn't find the negative that others seemingly found in this book, and I definitely didn't find any arrogance at all on the part of the authors.

I believe this book was written for our everyday relationships from casual acquaintances to the closer more initimate friendships. I don't believe it was in any way intended to address a physically or mentally abusive marriage and/or the clearcut narrcisists in life, those being a miserable breed of their own and requiring some serious counseling for their severely abused victims.

This book helped me tremendously to take a stand and risk having friends abandoned me when I set my own boundaries based on scripture... where I end, and where you begin, this is who I am and this is how I feel, and what I need. A growing practicing Christian would understand, and benefit tremendously from this book... as not all "Christians" are necessarily safe people.

Again, I don't believe this book was written for overcoming hard-core emotional and/or physical abuse. It was written for those day-to-day friendship relationships that we all have around us and desire to be healthy, growing ones. Anything less can be draining to our spirit and not productive nor rewarding.

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Safe People

Someone recommended this book and with the title I was not sure what I was getting into. However, after reading it, I think it should be required reading for everyone. The book is well written and discusses personal, personality charecteristics that everyone needs to work on to make themselves a better person, a safe person. A person other people can rely on to tell them the truth, to give honest feedback and to treat them fairly from an emotional perspective. I would strongly recommend this book to any age group.

reviews: 1, 2, 3, page 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

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