There are two things that are almost universally true for all fathers of daughters. 1.) We don't talk to anyone at all about our jobs as parents. 2.) We did not grow up as girls (Ok, this one is universally true.) What Joe Kelly does in Dads and Daughters is point out that these are two of several major hurdles we must accomplish to be good dads. Luckily, he also provides great information on how to overcome these hurdles.
Covering the first hurdle brings surprises. In his research, Joe interviewed dozens of fathers from all walks of life. In that research he found common themes. Themes that each of us as dads of daughters know to be true for us, but have no idea that there is another soul on the planet with the same concerns, the same desires, the same stories. He points to our lack of father to father communication and says, "here are some ways to fix that."
The second hurdle is obvious once stated but not so clear until then. We grew up as boys, and generally find girls as perplexing as we did when we were their age. That is a problem for a grown up boy given the task of raising a girl. The tools that our fathers used with us (if we were lucky enough to have that father) probably will not work with your daughter. And quitting is not an option. (For what it's worth, you the humble reader may find that some of the techniques Kelly describes are just as useful with the grown up girl that is the mother of your daughter.)
With Dads and Daughters, Kelly forces us to turn the light of understanding inward to see so many things that we already know, but forgot. Most of us imagine ourselves cleaning the shotgun when our daughter's beau comes a callin' yet almost none of us remember our own insecurities and true desire to find love when we were that age. Many of us have grown comfortable in the role of secondary parent; many of us have forgotten how important we are.
It is incontrovertabile that your concern and love for your daughter brought you to look at the details of this book. What you may not realize is how important of a role you do have now, through her adolesence, and beyond. You may not realize what you need to be for your little princess. This book will help, and if you're like me it might re-awaken those feelings of unrestrained joy, love, and hope that you had the first time you saw her and realized, she was your daughter and you are her father.
The book's foundation is the author's inspiring vision of fatherhood. This vision involves the dad who might on Monday write a letter to a company protesting an ad that promotes unhealthy body images for girls. On Tuesday he patiently sits at the dining room table and listens to his daughter describe a problem, while limiting himself to facilitating her effort to solve or resolve it on her own. On Wednesday, he gets dirty with her playing soccer. On Thursday, they talk about boys and he shares, with honesty and openness the good and bad she can anticipate in her relationships. On Friday, he swallows the feeling of rejection when she's angry with him and won't even say why, and he ends up seeking advice from another dad he's friends with. On Saturday, his patience pays off and he accepts her invitation to help out in a volunteer activity she's organizing. And on Sunday he asks her to help in return, fixing a leak under the kitchen sink with him--making sure she learns how the plumbing works in the process.
Not every dad does all of this, but what a great world it would be if they did and this book can help more fathers assess themselves and turn more of their parenting potential into a reality.
-Gary