PARENTS OF THE WORLD, READ THIS BOOK.

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	• Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of ... Rosalind Wiseman Three Rivers Press, 2002 - 352 pages average customer review:based on 94 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Illuminating but overgeneralized

I put this book to the test, and discussed it with my very forthcoming teen. She didn't understand what I was talking about.

She explained that she hangs out with a group of girls that label themselves "nice but not the popular girls." She is only vaguely aware of those popular girls, and just ignores them.

She emphasized to me that her group does not want to be popular. They are inclusive of newcomers, and work hard at not even giving the appearance of being cliquish. They're not afraid to be individuals. They stick up for each other. They stick up for themselves. When there's a little argument between two of them, they all still sit together at lunch. They are emotionally and socially balanced, in some ways more than some adults I know.

Looking back, I knew all this already about my daughter's group of friends, but wanted to be vigilant anyway, and make sure I wasn't hiding my head in the sand about anything. That's why I went ahead and read this book.

I guess this book applies to some girls, but it's over-generalized. Some kids are more mature than others.

I'll continue to be vigilant. But other books are more helpful.

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Valuable insight into teen girls!

Like Dr. William Pollack in Real Boys and, in fact, a great companion piece to that book, Ms. Wiseman takes on explaining the pyschological interactions of teens with *her* focus being on girls rather than boys. Very precise in describing roles (Queen Bees, Wannabes, Messengers, Bystanders, Targets, etc.), the author describes how a girl's status in (or out of) a teen clique can largely affect her social development and perhaps her personality as an adult. She then goes on to suggest appropriate interventions for adverse social situations in what she describes as "Girl World".

I would consider this book an indespensible reference for adults who interact with teen girls in almost any capacity (parents, teachers, counselors, club advisors, scout troop leaders, etc.). Using techniques in this book could be very helpful in preventing psychological damage to girls at a very tender age and teach the perpetrators more appropriate and less toxic behavior.

While most of the book was fascinating and down-to-earth helpful, I did have some problem with having all girls lumped into stereotypes--although they sounded *very* familiar to me! The book seemed to drag a tiny bit, but I think that was only because the author intended to write a very comprehensive guidebook rather than just skimming the surface of this topic. She handled some difficult topics extremely well and provided excellent practical advice for ways parents of teenage girls can more effectively communicate with their daughters. Despite minor flaws, I found this book to be insightul and worthwhile reading.

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Useful and Accurate

I am a 12 year old girl, and I found this book to be very helpful. I thought this book was very accurate about social situations. The only problem was the girls roles in cliques. I thought the roles were right, except that many people are a combination of two or more roles. For example I have a friend that is a combination of a Floater and a Queen Bee. I also thought that the book was too sympathetic to targets. We have three targets in our class. One is a target because she bullies and physically hurts people, one is a target because she likes to pick fights with everyone, and the third is a target because he is rude and condecsending to people.

The boys in our grade are similar to the ones described in the book. Many of them like to taunt each other and call other boys 'gay' on a daily basis. However, I disagree with Wiseman, and think that the reason they call each other 'gay' is not because they are homophobic, but because it is the best insult they can think of. (Really, I am not a man-hater. I like the boys, I just think some of the stuff they do is weird. I know they think stuff girls do is weird.)

I noticed that many of the people who wrote bad reviews were parents that could not accept that their children might choose their friends over them. They couldn't understand that just because a girl separates from her parents, that doesn't mean she's obnoxious.

I thought the girls comments were useful and sounded honest.

Despite a few small flaws, overall this was a great book.

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PARENTS OF THE WORLD, READ THIS BOOK.

I am in my 20's, and a graduate of an Ivy League college. I state this fact hoping to give some validity to my opinion. I read this book when I was 20, and I cried at least twice during each chapter of "Queen Bees". Although in high school I hung with a non-conformist/alternative crowd, we were not immune to the petty fights and backstabbing that Wiseman attributes to typical teenage girl behavior. No matter how independent your daughter, she will be either the victim or perpetrator of such behavior. I know,this may shock you...but even your well-behaved, beautiful, intelligent, honor student is very mean, and she has (or will) engage in the cruel and vicious behavior Wiseman discusses in her book. It's NOT because you're bad parents, but as Wiseman says in her book, it's kill or be killed out there in "girl world". It's hard to imagine how cruel teenage girls can be, but there is no exaggeration in this book, I promise you. Even if all your daughter's friends seem lovely and mature, there is still a power struggle within the group, and your daughter may be stuck in the middle.

Please understand that this book IS what life is like for your teenage daughters. She is not the exception. Wiseman outlines various personality types of teenage girls, and even if your daughter is the diplomatic, friendly, and generous type, not all those around her are the same. You need to understand the world she lives in to understand anything about her. I wish my parents had read this book. Though they did a great job raising me, they could have saved all of us the emotional turmoil of those years.

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A real eye-opener!

Pros: An excellent insight into the world of young adolescence. This book really opened my eyes into what is going on in the mind of my daughter and her peers, and what the social scene will be for her as she enters middle school. We have already had several very good conversations about how to deal with mean girls, developing, fashion pressures, etc. The comments of real teens quoted throughout are very insightful. This book will help us get through the next few years.

Cons: I think that the author jumps around too much. The book could be organized better. If you read the entire thing, you won't miss anything, but it will be difficult to find certain portions if you want to go back to them later.

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reviews: 1, 2, 3, 4, page 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

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