Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman

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	• Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of ... Rosalind Wiseman Three Rivers Press, 2002 - 352 pages average customer review:based on 94 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Interesting read but a little bias

It was written well, and with good intentions but I think the book dramatizes adolescence. I found some of the information to be true to some degree, but as a 13 year old I cared about a lot more than which friend to please.

The author admits that she is basing this on feedback that she has recieved while teaching an empowerment class for teens. This means that it is certainly bias information - only those with problems reporting. It is statistically unsound.

I also feel as though it pigeonholed a lot of girls. It informed parents that your child will drink and do drugs, and that her relationships will only last two weeks in high school, and if they don't she's already offered up a detailed reason as to why they will break up in the future. I can't speak for everyone, but I didn't party at all in high school, I was capable of and had a serious relationship in high school (that did not end via her reason) and know couples around my age who are married and had started dating in high school. This is true for some of my relatives, and some of my friends' parents.

I'm reading this book as a 20 year old music education major. I'm interested in adolescent psychology and thought that it would be a good read. There is definitly some validity to it, but there is some hype too. If you're raising a daughter read it if you're interested, but don't stick to it like its all-knowing.

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Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman

As a thirteen-year old girl, I thought the book was really insightful an showed exactly what girls are going through in the world. The examples that she gives are accurate and she quotes from teenage girls.
The book gives reliable advice for all ages of adolescence, and gives tips to coping with anything from bullying between girls to drugs and parties. I thought it was great and really recommend it, for not only parents, but other girls like me.

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Well-written but...

The most interesting thing about reading a book like this is seeing how much the author's own experiences seem to color her perception. She says she was a girl w/an abusive boyfriend who struggled to be part of the popular mainstream white girl clique of her school -- and most of her advice is aimed at girls who want to be in, are in, or are teased by popular mainstream white girl cliques. Even as a white girl myself, I find this to be a bit narrow-minded. She also lists the "roles" that girls take on in cliques, and the "types" of girls that exist in high school...most of which apparently only fit girls in city neighborhoods who conform to mainstream social standards. A majority of the girls I knew in high school (I'm in my 20s) do not even fit into any of the categories she's defined (ironically, not even the popular ones, who in my school were athletic, accelerated-class, friendly girls of several different enthicities).

She does write well from the parent's point of view, as an adult who knows what the fears and desires of parents are.

Another thing the author writes about REALLY WELL in this book is what to do about abuse and harrassment. She does understand what it means to be attacked on a daily basis at one's school, and has some thoughtful things to say about getting out of such situations. But beyond that, the book mostly feels like a way for her to talk about those high school experiences she personally never got over. Skipping most of her comments and reading just the letters, etc. by teenage girls might be more insightful. But keep in mind that those letters seem to be skewed by the author's own biases i.e. she seems to have chosen only letters from girls who fit her narrow definitions of what teenage girls are. (She does, at least, admit to knowing very little about teens in non-white, non-mainstream circles; instead of making up for this by bringing in other authors who might know more, she gives a couple of paragraphs and some short letters over to the subject and then drops it completely.)

And as someone who's spent most of her life surrounded by guys, I have to say that her perceptions on men are somewhat skewed (in spite of her efforts to quote books written about the subject of teenage boys). She sees them from the outside-in and as a result, some of her advice about dealing with them isn't very useful...but rather comes off as condescending and sometimes a little sexist. Is there irony in that?

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Great insight

I bought this book because of the special features on the Mean Girls DVD (which is an awesome DVD), and really enjoyed the book. Wiseman eloquently described the horizontal violence that girls (and women) heap on each other. Usually it's not boy against girl which is he big problem, but girl on girl. Although the phrases and slang in the book are very time specific (they'll be outdated in time), the principles behind this book are timeless. Nothing's changed from generation to generation, although we like to think everything's improved. Although I'm not a parent, the author definitely gives great suggestions for parents in relating to their teenage daughters, the friends, and the friends' parents (also the enemies and their parents). My best friend, who is a parent of two girls in this age range), said it is a must read and that it is helping her with relationships with her daughters. I would recommend it to school professionals (that's another place it's geared), counselors, clergy (Christian or otherwise), and other people who work with teenage girls.

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Beyond Ophelia

"She just acts like that because she's insecure." What girl or former girl hasn't heard or said these words about the Really Mean Girl? What no one told us is that while this teen-level psychobabble may have its basis in truth, 1) It doesn't stop her meanness from having a very real effect; and 2) Mean people can and do wield power. This is Wiseman (who should be called WiseWoman)'s point of departure.
More power to Wiseman, who ventures beyond Ophelia. She doesn't simply bemoan the fact that our daughters are the victims of society, MTV, and peer pressure, leaving us parents feeling defeated before we've even begun. It was positively uplifting to read that the girls know quite well that they're being manipulated by the media to aspire to impossible standards (read: buy lotsa makeup and clothing), but they nevertheless try. That piece of information alone was, if not empowering, revealing and even encouraging.
I also applaud Wiseman's stating openly that breasts are power. Most material on this subject weighs in on the side of the woes of the early developer. As a late developer, I can testify to the fact that whatever an early developer has to face, breasts undeniably equal power, and corollarily, the lack of them equals powerlessness.
I actually found the material on how to communicate with and stay on top of your daughter more valuable than the analysis of cliques. As a matter of fact, the clique thing actually gave me insight into the phenomenon in my place of work, and believe me, it exists, right here in Woman World.
The "turning homophobia on its head" and explanations of Act Like a Woman / Man are also highlights. Simply put, Queen Bee is mind-blowing for both girls and former girls. Way to go, Wiseman.

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reviews: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, page 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17

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