A very helpful tool in dealing with your kids

books:


	• Siblings Without Rivalry Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish W. W. Norton & Company, 1987 average customer review:based on 69 reviews
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highly recommended

The best book I have read in a long time...

This book is truly amazing. I have never written an online review of anything in my life, but I simply had to stop and sit down and write my thoughts on this extraordinary book.
As an only child who now is the mom to two boys I was dumbfounded by their ever changing relationship. I worked on trying to get the older one to be "nicer" to the younger one, but it seemed the more I tried, the more it backfired, and I was really at my wits end. It was so difficult to watch. And then I read this wonderful book. It gave me so many tools to work with and it really helped me to understand their relationship. Instead of watching from a distance and being powerless it made me realize that I was the key to helping them understand each other. The results were immediate and I am happy to say at this point my boys, who are only 19 months apart, are best friends. They rarely fight and when they do I know just what to say to get them to stop and listen. Usually with this gentle help they can work things out on their own.
I can't say enough good things about this book. Anyone who has more than one child should read it...anyone who has siblings of their own should read it as well as it gives much insight into adult sibling relationships too.
This book has changed our lives!!!

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Excellent!

This is a really good book. I especially like the point about not getting caught up in treating kids equally but rather individually. They do not want to hear that you love them as much as you love their siblings. They want to know that they are special. As a Mom of twins, it is especially easy for me to fall into that trap and worry constantly about fairness and equality rather than their individuality. e.g. "I love you as Suzie, and you're my only Suzie." instead of "I love you as much as your sister Janie."

I don't normally read this type of book and I don't often give 5*s but this one deserves it!

Small portions of the book were a little dry but all in all I found it hard to put down. The only small thing I disagreed with was the advice at one point to use a doll to act out anger. This, however, was a minor point and was not at all typical of this excellent book.

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A good book with good material

I bought this book a couple of months after we brought home our newly adopted son from Russia and the rivalry and fighting looked to become a huge problem... a never-ending battle between our only-slightly-older son and his new brother.

Over time both adjusted and now we have just run-of-the-mill rivalry and occasional jealousy, something that is manageable. But those first weeks and months were awful.

This book is nicely written and reasonably well organized. It's a quick read and provides a lot of useful ideas for how to defuse and ultimately avoid situations. Much of it is common sense or "frame shifting" (putting you into the child's situation through their eyes). I found some of the strategies useful and others not applicable, which is what you'd expect.

The downside of this book is that it is a bit on the frothy side, a bit simplistic and stagey. Some of the examples and true-life type stories go from one extreme to a too-good-to-be-true resolution "a week later". Some of the divisions in the book struck me as artificial.

Nonetheless this book is the standard for many parent dealing with this kind of problem for good reason. It is a useful reference, gets you to think about managing the situations better and gives you some tools to work with. Well recommended.

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Couldn't live without it!

I love this book! It is filled with practical advice complete with sketches of common arguements and how to respond. I re-read a chapter every six months as problems arise. You will refer to it again and again. I give it as a "second baby" shower gift and have received RAVE reviews!

A very helpful tool in dealing with your kids

This book was EXACTLY what I was looking for. In dealing with my two stepsons as well as my own two daughters, ranging in age from one to seven, I felt there HAD to be a way to prevent some of this fierce competitive and unkind nature between kids. I refused to believe there was nothing much we parents could do about it. The perspective it gave in how to treat the children each as individuals, without reference or comparison to their siblings in any way seemed obvious, yet for most of us parents, we do these things unconsciously in various daily situations. I began realizing how even the smallest comments, however well-intended, could induce rivalry between the kids and have found the ideas and suggestions in this book to be of immeasurable value to my family. In some areas, I do feel that it gets a little too extreme to be realistic, however, the main concept behind the advice and suggestions is very helpful.

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reviews: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, page 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

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