One of the strategies suggested in both books that has really reduced my frustration level is to redefine being "fair" as "meeting each child's needs" rather than focusing on being totally "equal" at all times. This thought is very helpful because my kids seem to always keep score...and I, no matter how hard I try--will often lose! Although it doesn't come naturally, I am learning to change my behavior to address needs. For example, Sunday morning I painstakingly tried to serve the exact same pancake presentation to each of the kids--and my son whined, "Mommy, that's not fa-a-ir!" and he continued to scream that his sister's pancakes were much bigger and browner than his (...in his mind, proof that I love her more). Instead of really losing it and yelling back that he was absolutely wrong, lunging for my ruler to prove it...I PAUSED...And, before I responded, I took a deep breath (...maybe 2 deep breaths) and focused my response on solving the jealousy problem. In total control of the situation, I looked my son directly in his eyes, put my hand gently on his shoulder as I replied in a very calm voice, "Hmmmmmmm. It sounds like you're still hungry, Brian...Here are two more delicious pancakes just for you!" GREAT ADVICE...and it worked!! Bad news...It does take practice, but feels so good when your thoughtful response avoids a no-win power struggle.
What I like about this book is it is easy to read, easy to follow, easy to understand. My copy is dog earred, highlighted and has pencil marks in the margins.
The advice is easy to follow and does not need lots of 'analysis' to get started. It covers basic topics, but once you 'get the gest of what to do' it's easy to apply the theories to just about every situation you may encounter as a parent.
Psychologists caution against casting children in specific roles: the quiet one, athletic one, smart one, clumsy one and even a negative type can provide harmful self image that a child may carry throughout his life. Sibling rivalry is a competition for the affection and attention of their parents. Two best known Bible stories deal with bitter feuds between brothers-The Cain and Abel and the rivalry of Joseph and hisbrothers.Even in fairy tales - in 112 of the Grimm's' fairy tales, it is found that the youngest child came out a winner in battles with everything from evil gnomes to jealous siblings 92 percent of the times.
Psychologists authors of `Siblings without Rivalry' suggest that instead of thinking of equality in everything from parental attention to music lessons, parents should be sensitive to each child's individual needs.Self esteem of a child plays a major role. Comparisons should be avoided as each child is born with a difference. The authors have very valuable tips telling parents to adopt various methods and outcome with cartoons illustrating key points. The book reflects on the inner instincts of kids like jealousy and selfishness. Parents need to be aware of their attitude which become homegrown sibling rivalry. Communication is also important part that a parent miss out and impatiently tackles the sibling rivalry which only worsens things. Demonstrating love is very important and telling the child that he is so special. "I enjoy your friendship' or `I can always count on your support' or `You make me feents with + 2 & above kids.