Asking yourself a lot of questions?

books:


	• He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships Steven Carter, Julia Sokol Dell, 1995 - 352 pages average customer review:based on 70 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

highly recommended

FACE those fears HEAD ON!!!!!

This was a great book! It changed my life! I read it after getting involved with someone who admitted that they were afraid of commitment For whatever reason, even after knowing this, I still got involved. In spite of initial feeling of unattraction, I became drawn to this person. After over a year, I began to think that I was truly 'in love'. I was crushed when Mr. Romance himself, suddently disappeared. The close bond we shared suddenly ended. I was left feeling very confused by their behavior, as well as by their reappearances in my life. I couldn't believe after reading this book, how acurately it depicted the vicious cycle of events that were taking place between my partner and I. It felt as if the authors were writing specifically to us both. I now realize that my partners weren't all to blame. At times I choose partners who weren't completely available for a long-term commitment. I longed for love, and yet kept running the other way, when any relationship I was in got too 'close.' I, too had commitment fears; which caused me to choose partners with similar fears. Thus, I unintentionally sought out persons who were either geographically or emotionally unavailable to give the commitment that I was so afraid of. You may be in denial, thinking that you just haven't found "THE ONE". But trust me, if you have gone from relationship to relationship; if you (or your partner) suddenly ended the realtionship (without a real reason to pursue some other partner or fantasy); realize that the issue is much deeper than it may seem. This book forces you to look at yourself in the mirror! Don't read this, if you want to continue pursuing 'fantasy partners!' Only read it if you want to GET REAL with yourself and your dating history!!! Get real..so you can get the real and committed relationship that you desire. Also recommened: Men who can't love. ( Same authors )

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Asking yourself a lot of questions?

If you find yourself asking a lot of questions about your current relationship or are asking a lot of questions about a relationship that just ended then you need to read this book - Period. I am currently recovering from 2-year relationship with a commitmentphobe. This woman could not commit to her job (or occupation), her apartment, herself, or to our relationship.... and when she broke off our relationship I didnt see it coming and I was totally devastated. Since the breakup my self-help library has gone from two books to almost two dozen - and then I stumbled on this book - and its the last one Im going to read on the subject. This book perfectly nailed the entire scenario that played out in my last relationship. It really helps you understand why some people cant commit and why certain types of people always wind up in relationship with them. You will see that both parties share the responsibility. You will see how the "runner" is really a manipulative, confliced, and troubled soul who faces tremendous obstacles to finding a lasting relationship. You will see how the "passive" partner allows themselves to be so swiftly and easily seduced. If you plan on breaking the cycle, with or whitout your current partner, then this is the first and last book you need to reach for. Onward. Upward.

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This book was LIFE CHANGING

This was a great book! It changed my life! I read it after getting involved with someone who admitted that they were 'commitmentphobic.' For whatever reason, even after knowing this, I still got involved. I felt drawn to this person like never before. Anyway, I was crushed when the 'relationship' suddenly changed and ended. I was left feeling very confused by their behavior, as well as by their reappearances in my life. I couldn't believe after reading this, how acurately it depicted the events that took place between my partner and me. It felt as if the authors were writing my dating biography.
Well, I now realize that my partners weren't all to blame. I kept choosing partners who weren't completely available for a long-term commitment. I longed for love, and yet kept running the other way, wanting "my space", when any relationship I was in got too 'close'-- or when it seemed like the other person wanted more than I was willing to give. Thus, unintentionally, I began to seek out persons who simply couldn't give the time or consistency to a warm, honest, and balanced relationship. You may think, like I used to, that you just haven't found "THE ONE". But trust me, if you have gone from relationship to relationship; if you or your partner suddenly have ended things and gone the other way; you have to come to realize that the issue is much deeper than it may seem. This book forces you to look at yourself in the mirror! Don't read this, if you want to continue pursuing 'fantasy partners!' Only read it if you want to GET REAL with yourself and your dating history!!! Get real..so you can get the real and committed relationship that you desire.
Also recommened: Men who can't love. ( Same authors )

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A MUST READ!!!!

Wow. Where to begin. A friend recommended this book. I have carried it with me for the past 5 days since my breakup. I am amazed because I feel as if the book is giving a biography of my ex as well as me. Every other word I am underlining and shaking my head "yes, yes!" This book has opened my eyes to the reality that I have a commitment issue (when I thought it was only my ex). I have read lots of "self help" books- this one takes the cake. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is looking not only for answers and understanding, but also strength to make it through the painful process of loosing a love.

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Dead on!

This book is right on target for commitmentphobes.
It made me understand that being a commitmentphobe isn't just about obvious runners (from intimacy) -- it can also be a pattern of choosing unsuitable or unavailable partners. Also, like me, you can switch back and forth between the patterns with different partners.

After reading this book, I finally understood that I am a textbook case of a commitmentphobe.

reviews: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, page 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

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