Nothing Can Erase the Past But Love (even imperfect) Heals

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	• One Child Torey L. Hayden Element Books, 2004 - 336 pages average customer review:based on 180 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Nothing Can Erase the Past But Love (even imperfect) Heals

This was a beautiful story, illustrating the perseverance and courage of young victims of abuse and neglect. It's funny though; after reading it, I conjectured that Sheila rebounding the way she did at age 6 was hard to believe. After undergoing severe abandonment from her mother, ongoing physical and verbal abuse by her father, and right after surviving severe sexual molestation, she accepted the leave-taking of the only person who had ever loved her, her teacher, Torey. She did not take it easily, and she clung to the story of the Little Prince, which helped, but still! I thought that either the story wasn't true or Sheila's acceptance was actually a self-injurious defense mechanism that would later be exposed. Researching the book after I read it, I realized that the book is a true story. In a sequel titled, The Tiger's Child, I learned that Torey again re-entered Sheila's life and continued to support her. Yet the abuse Sheila incurred had been serious and despite her high intelligence, we learn that she struggled greatly after Torey's departure and on into her adolescence.

Reading the reviews on Amazon, I noted that a few blamed Torey for leaving Sheila at the end of the year. They said that it was her fault that Sheila experienced such turbulence later in adolescence. I feel that those reviews may well have been written by people who themselves never completely healed from abandonment and still ache inside. The truth is that Sheila's fear of abandonment was caused by her early childhood trauma of being left on the side of the highway by her mother. It does no good to blame one who loves such a wounded bird, even if it was in the context of a short-term relationship. Because of the nature of Sheila's wound, even if Torey committed to staying with her for life, Sheila would have still continued to struggle with a false sense that she is prone to getting abandoned. Healing from that type of wound requires a long-term process that involves recognizing the deception of the false beliefs and emotions and using truth to fight them.

Though Torey made some mistakes, her time with Sheila was overall positive because, like a flower, her love allowed Sheila's heart to be opened to the possibility that her emotions and false beliefs were wrong. In the last few chapters, it appeared that Sheila was able to understand Torey's departure cognitively, if not emotionally. The only aspects I would have changed about Torey's approach would have been to ensure that Sheila knew well ahead of time that she would be leaving. I would never have let her call me "mother" or "father" because it is not true; children can easily mistake fantasy for reality. Also, from the very beginning, Sheila should have been seeing a child therapist who could keep helping her on a more long-term basis.

What an incredible story, more so because Torey really is the loving teacher she wrote about, and because Sheila is the child whose resilience inspires us all! I ask God to give me the courage to love abused kids unconditionally as Torey did, yet also the wisdom to know when to employ healthy boundaries to keep those children safe.

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Makes you want to read more of her books

I came across this book while looking online for true story books. I like to read books about things that have really happened. Torey Hayden a special ed teacher/ psychologist does a great job with this book.In this book she writes of 6 year old who comes from a rough place and has alot of horrible things happen to her. It shows how much she really made a difference in this girls life and how great a person she really is. When your done reading this one you really want to know what happens to this little girl "Sheila" later in life. I just finished the sequal to this book called "The tigers child" and it was also a great read. Shocking to think all these sad things could happen to a little girl but the bond she has with Torey is unbelievable. I plan to read more of her books.

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wonderful, hopeful story

WOOOOOOOOOOOOW! I read it on the train to work, walking up the street, on my breaks, sneaking a few pages in during work and on the couch at home until I couldn't keep my eyes open. When I wasn't reading this beautiful story, I was thinking about it. When I was done, I reread the last chapter, and kept skimming through the book wishing there was more. THEN I found out she wrote another one about Sheila!!!! I bought it today...I just finished One Child this afternoon!

An Unforgettable Story

I read this book years ago when I was in elementary school. Why? Because I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother, and I wanted to understand WHY people do this to their own children. I wanted to rationalize it, to figure it out. At that time, it was nice to know that there was someone else out there who experienced hurt and pain, and to know that someone named Torey was helping her. No one ever helped me but myself.

As an adult, I remembered this book and searched for it on Amazon, finding it, ordering it, and reading it immediately. It brought back those childhood feelings of fear, abandonment, betrayal, hurt, pain, feeling unloved... It made me feel sad that no one was there for me. But, I also felt happy for the girl since Torey was helping her. Torey did the best she could while trying to maintain her professionalism and not get toooo involved, though it was difficult for her not to. For most teachers, it is easy and preferrable not to get too involved. I know because I have been a teacher. Administrators generally frown on teachers/staff becoming too involving/familiar with students with all the sick things that happen these days. Teachers need their jobs and must support their own families, so often, children who experience these types of situations are left on their own, fall through the cracks, or social services doesn't do enough to help them - and may even make the situation worse!

I have read all of Torey's books since ONE CHILD, as well, and have enjoyed reading each and every one. Torey is an angel, and I am glad that she has been able to help as many children as possible through her profession.

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Mixed emotions

Working in education, I find Hayden's books a good read. It's always interesting to know how other professionals deal with the most horrific cases of abuse. I find her quite self-deprecating as well, able to admit when something just didn't work or when she made errors of judgement.
One Child is my favourite of her books; the emotions involved in educating this child are very intense. However, some reviewers' comments about the level of attachment, confidentiality laws and physical contact with the child (lots of hugging etc) are justified. I believe she did get far too emotionally attached to this girl (and vice versa as a consequence), causing further problems. That simply would not be allowed to happen these days. Remember she is recalling events from the 1970s, when things were very different. I would be around Sheila's age then, and I remember similar affection and cuddles from teachers.
I am from the UK and although I am bearing the era in mind, I am still shocked at the poor quality of social work in this story. Migrant workers in our country would receive a council flat and benefit payments, and their kids would probably be the best dressed ones in class! Maybe, after reading this tale, that wouldn't be such a bad thing. How can children be allowed to live like that?
Perhaps we do need to change the laws and allow teachers to be surrogate mothers again. It seems some kids don't have anything else.
If you loved this book you will probably already have looked at some of her others, but I particularly recommend The Tiger's Child (the sequel to this) and Ghost Girl, which will leave you wondering about the sanity of this world.

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

This beautiful and deeply moving tale recounts educational psychologist Torey Hayden's battle to unlock the emotions of a troubled and sexually abused child who, with the help of Hayden, was finally able to overcome her dark past and realise her full potential. Six-year-old Sheila was abandoned by her mother on a highway when she was four. A survivor of horrific abuse, she never spoke, never cried, and was placed in a class for severely retarded children after committing an atrocious act of violence against another child. Everyone thought Sheila was beyond salvation -- except her teacher, Torey Hayden. With patience, skill, and abiding love, she fought long and hard to release a haunted little girl from her secret nightmare -- and nurture the spark of genius she recognised trapped within Sheila's silence. This is the remarkable story of their journey together -- an odyssey of hope, courage, and inspiring devotion that opened the heart and mind of one lost child to a new world of discovery and joy.

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