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Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Lundy Bancroft

Berkley Trade, 2003 - 432 pages

average customer review:based on 169 reviews
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   highly recommended  highly recommended





Why Does He Do That?

Should be required reading for all marriage counselors and maybe all therapists in general. A very empowering book. It identifies these men in easy-to-understand English and makes it possible to understand and cope with their behaviour and abusive language - something all the therapists and marriage counselors in our lives were unable to achieve. Highly recommended, especially if ending the marriage is not a viable option.


Why Does He Do That?

This is an excellent book for those who anticpate working with people who are in abusive relationships. However, this book is actually written for the victims of domestic violence. I strongly recommend anyone who is in an abusive relationship and looking to get out or to discredit all his excusses, should read this book.


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'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft

How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get InvolvedHow to Spot a Dangerous Man Workbook: A Survival Guide for Women Surprisingly sound reading, unveils the myths and mystery of the abusive relationship. Lundy Bancroft's passion in his resolve to merge insight and justice for the abused if not bewildered twenty-first century woman is sensible and courageous. Lundy's work will literally guide and provide every mother, daughter and sister the perceptions necessary to begin healing, necessary to bring us out of this dark age and out of abuse.






Why Does He Do That

Excellent book. I would recommend this book to any woman that is going thru domestic abuse - either verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically. Great insight. I will buy more by Lundy Bancroft.


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Excellent help for various types of people.

This book is good for understanding and helping someone whom you think is being abused and/or in danger of getting involved with an abusive man.
It is good for the women who want to understand and/or get away from such men. And it is a good red flags check list for women who want to be sure to avoid getting taken in by abusive men. To give just a few highlights, his chances of changing are slim, his chances of getting worse are very high. Logic or concern for the woman's feelings, appeals to love and so on will not affect him. Seriously threatening to leave him unless he gets serious help will work in a few cases - not many. The book goes through a lot of myths about such people...They act that way because they were abused, it's the alcohol, he has poor communication skills, he needs anger management, he's going through hard times, etc. etc. etc. This author makes the case, based on documentation, that the primary causes of abuse are feelings of male superiority and male entitlement along with a deep disrespect for women. If that sounds hard, oh well, what they do to women is far worse. (If you are in such a relationship you might want to consider that the statistics show that about 70% of men who abuse women also abuse children.) He sees the problem as a cultural one, fed by pornography which treats women as submissive objects, and "entertainment" that even includes murdering women. Different kinds of abuse are included, not just physical, but verbal abuse, and others. A wonderful book. It affirms that abuse isn't the woman's fault, and it is not the woman's responsibility to change the man. It's his responsibility. Period. (My personal opinion, not addressed by the author, is that if he doesn't follow the first step in the 12 step program and ask the Creator for help, he will never be able to change.)


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reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10



"He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control."
"He can be sweet and gentle."
"He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father."
"He's had a really hard life..."

Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:

? The early warning signs
? Nine abusive personality types
? How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
? The role of drugs and alcohol
? What can be fixed, and what can't
? How to leave a relationship safely


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