Best book I've ever read on raising girls

books:


	• Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter Barbara Dr Mackoff Dell, 1996 - 320 pages average customer review:based on 13 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Decent, but not groundbreaking

I am a university-educated, stay-at-home-mom of a one-year-old daughter. My husband and I find appeal in traditional gender roles and we have developed a system that works very well for us. Knowing that it would not work for everyone, I want to make sure we raise our daughter with a broad understanding of the possibilities this world has to offer. This book offers a few good suggestions in furthering that goal.

"Growing a Girl" is a compilation and summary of many, many studies, generously peppered with stories from the author's own extensive interviews. As such, there is no proof offered that following her methods will produce "happy" or "well adjusted" women. Mackoff frequently admits that there is a study to support any theory, so it's hard to know the quality of the scientific basis of her strategies. Her style is at times choppy, with many references, and I occasionally thought, "Ok, I guess you had to be there," because I failed to understand the punch line of the story. It is fairly readable, but offers little that is new or unique.

Mackoff's goal is to encourage parents to become equalist parents: "one who creates more equal opportunities for her daughter through loving exposure." This is not a book about Mommy Wars! In fact, the author addresses this topic only long enough to say, "I suggest that equalist parents become conscientious objectors in the Mommy Wars." I am also very pleased that the book contains absolutely no male-bashing.

Mackoff argues that girls are individuals and should be treated as such. They should be allowed to grow into their own person, unfettered by the expectations and agendas of their parents. This is accomplished through her seven strategies: discover your own stereotypes, believe her story, declare her independence, bring home heroines, wear gender glasses, tell the truth about beauty, and learn what she learns.

The book is generally useful (though it contained little that I had not already read elsewhere), but I do have a few complaints. Mackoff urges parents to consider their daughters as individuals, but she regularly refers to "boys" or "girls" as a homogeneous whole. She says that girls must be allowed to become the person they truly are, but that seems to apply only as long as their true self is not a "girly" girl. Mackoff's strong feminist side is kept pretty well in check, but she occasionally goes over the top, in my opinion (she disapproves of Sleeping Beauty because "she doesn't even try to wake herself up").

I am also bothered that this book addresses girls only, with the applicability to boys mentioned only in passing, and only for two of the seven strategies. I would prefer a more holistic approach: teaching how to parent both boys and girls so that everyone grows up respecting everyone, including themselves.

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Best book I've ever read on raising girls

The last reviewer appears not to have read this book with an open mind. Clearly they are stuck on the issue of women working or staying at home-which is by now a mute point. We know that women who work outside the home raise children who are just as well off as those who stay at home. In fact, the idea of just one adult staying at home and doing the majority of the work of raising chidren is fairly new in terms of human experience, and is rather ineffectual. In fact, children of mothers who work outside the home are very often better off, especially if she has the support of those around her. Such children have more social experience, more role models and care-givers and mothers who have more self-confidence, better social skills, more social support, and in some cases a better income for important things that enrich a child's environment such as health care, educational opportunities, travel etc. Also, the demonizing of mothers who opt for assitance with child care is so frought with paranoia and mistrust of others, it's ridiculous! Perhaps this person should study the issues rather than make assumptions based on archaic thinking passed down through recent generations. Get your information from facts, studies and experts. Which, by the way, the author IS an expert. She is not only a "working mother" but a psychologist (meaning she has a doctoral degree-the highest level of education you can earn) who works directly with girls and their families. Only a fool would dismiss what she has to say on the subject. As a grad student with experience raising girls, this is the best book I've ever read on the subject. The author brings humor, realism and pratical advice to this difficult task. And, my favorite part, she makes you THINK About your own assumptions and helps you question the assumptions of society that end up limitng girls' potential. Apparently some people don't want to have their empirically unsupported assumptions challenged. If you are one these peope, then don't read books by experts on subjects you have already made up your mind about.

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3

In the post-women's movement period of the 1990s, many parents, even those committed to gender equity, are "amazed" at the seemingly inborn differences between the genders. And most parents committed to raising their children free from gender bias give up when the kids are in preschool. Barbara Mackoff, in Growing a Girl, takes to task these postfeminist ideas. She stresses that, instead of focusing on gender, parents should see children in terms of their individuality, while at the same time wearing "gender glasses" and teaching their daughters to be aware of society's gender biases. Mackoff, a consulting psychologist, suggests the concept of "equalist" parents, who create equal opportunities for their daughters in a loving, supportive way. Mackoff gives readers specific, valuable tools for raising spirited, strong daughters and helps parents teach their daughters to enjoy being girls without limiting the opportunities that lie beyond society's gender bias.

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