A must read for victims and potential parents

books:


	• Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life Susan Forward, Craig Buck Bantam, 2002 - 324 pages average customer review:based on 119 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Most significant book I have ever read

I read this book when it first came out in the early 90s. It made me realize that my sister and I were not crazy - our mother was! Our mother had caused us a lot of pain with her belief that her needs always needed to come first. The book opened my eyes. We eventually both broke it off with the selfish monster and led much happier lives. Incredible book.

A must read for victims and potential parents

I read this book when it first came out and it really helped me to realize that I was not the problem, contrary to everything that I was taught as a child. My mother abused me to no end. She beat me with belts, wooden spoons, hockey sticks, spatulas and anything else she could get her hands on. She humiliated me in public and made me feel unattractive because I was not a size zero like she was. This book helped me to realize that she was the sick one, not me. I still have problems but at least I feel better about myself. I would recommend this book to anyone who is considering having a child because this book explains just how much damage you can do to a child through verbal/physical abuse.

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Excellent book

I found this book to be incredibly eye-opening and helpful, both as the daughter of a toxic mother and the parent of two children. The only thing that I am not sure about is whether confronting the toxic parent is always the best option. The most obvious questions in my mind were "What's the point? Why do you still want ANY relationship with this person? Why do you feel you owe this person ANYTHING? At what cost are you willing to keep trying?" Several years ago I made the very difficult decision to end my relationship with my mother when, after years of trying so hard to keep some relationship going and suffering for it, I finally found the courage to ask "what's in it for me?" and realized the answer was "absolutely nothing positive whatsoever". Also, being disgusted by her interactions with my children was a big factor. I profoundly miss having a mother, but I do not miss her or her poison.

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Also read "Be Sweet" by Roy Blount Jr

If Susan Forward never typed another word her life would be well spent. This book should be required reading for every expectant mother or couple... the sooner we stop the legacy of bad parenting the better. Just as important adults can figure themselves out better if they get a better insight into their own childhoods.

I think one of the great unsung books on the subject of toxic parenting and the confusion it creates from an accomplished author about his own childhood is "Be Sweet" by Roy Blount Jr. It is pure genius and I highly recommend it. Interestingly, a lot of the reviewers and subsequent commenters don't "get it." I would hope that these books get discussed a lot on amazon; it is one of the greatest features of our times and can do a lot to enlighten us individually and as a society.

Along the lines of pure psychological brilliance Alice Miller and Alexis Morgan (recently changed her author's name on amazon to Nancy Carter, author of "Fortresses to Build") are also incredible.

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The best of therapy in a book!

Toxic Parents is wonderful and extremely useful. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the second half of the book in particular. Susan Forward has written and explained various techniques to help you re-gain control of your life. There are that many techniques and activities that I doubt you wouldn't be able to find one that works for you.

I found the book 'Controlling Parents' by Dan Neuharth to be better at explaining the different types of control and more about the insides to the problem, whereas this book I found to not be as in depth in that area. I just found that this book helped tremendously in regards to its therapy techniques.

Overall, both books work extremely well hand in hand. I recommend them both, regardless of whether you are in therapy yourself or not. There is a lot you will learn and come to understand and ways in which you can help yourself regain control of your life and independence.

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Are you the child of toxic parents?

When you were a child...

? Did your parents tell you you were bad or worthless?
? Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you?
? Did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems?
? Were you often frightened of your parents?
? Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret?

Now that you?re an adult...

? Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child?
? Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time with your parents?
? Do your parents control you with threats or guilt? Do they manipulate you with money?
? Do you feel that no matter what you do, it?s never good enough for your parents?

In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents ? and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.

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