After Silence: Rape and MY Journy Back

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	• After Silence: Rape & My Journey Back Nancy Venable Raine Three Rivers Press, 1999 - 288 pages average customer review:based on 47 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Courageous, powerful, compassionate.

Ms. Raine describes the trauma and recovery of rape in clear and helpful terms and I appreciate the references to other works about rape recovery and feminism. Raine's AFTER SILENCE inspired me to read another landmark TRAUMA AND RECOVERY by Judith Herman, MD. It is hard to find books about rape recovery and people who can and will talk calmly, rationally, compassionately (or at all) about this subject. Raine's AFTER SILENCE should be required reading in high school for both boys and girls! Rape is so widespread that it should be addressed more often by family and friends; local, state, national, and world leaders; educators and news media. Raine also references I NEVER CALLED IT RAPE by Robin Morgan, another excellent source for raising awareness of the frequency and extent of rape in society. My own childhood incest and young adult rape were not known to my parents, siblings and doctors for decades even though the symptoms were so obvious that I was hospitalized for months. Can't praise Raine's work enough. My heartfelt gratitude goes out to Raine and all those who made her work possible. Healing may be slow in coming, but it does come, after the silence, with the help of authors like Raine.

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After Silence: Rape and MY Journy Back

I had to read this book for one of my Woman's Studies classes at Western Illinois University. I think this is a must read book for everyone (especially those who are in recovery or have been convicted of a violent crime of this nature). It is a bit graphic and I don't recomend that anyone under high school age read it. I had to set it down a couple of times due to that, but, it was nessessary to truely understand Ms. Raine's story. You don't truely understand what someone goes though after rape without going through it yourself.

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Great Timeing

It was shipped to me within 2 days, great service and great product.

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Profound and Courageous

A friend loaned this book to me but it is likely a book I will never forget. Nancy Venable Raine tells her important story in a very accessible way. As a nurse who took care of rape victims in the middle 80's and now a school nurse, I am aware that the secret of abuse and assault reverberates in too many lives. And while I would never say that my experiences as a young nurse were equivalent to those of my patients, I vividly remember hearing my victim-patients stories and identifying with them. Many of my victim-patients were not that different from me--young, single, living alone. During that time, I _usually_ slept with the lights on because I wanted to try to be able to identify my perpetrator, if that ever happened to me.

Raine shows us her story, how it echoes in her life. Coming back from and integrating the experience in life is not, cannot be easy but one cannot help but feel she is one of the minority of individuals who gets the needed help to do so.

Now, in year 2007, I was acutely aware that at times Raine paired the rape experience and the torture experience. It is a source of sadness to me that we, as a nation, are perpetuating that experience for so many. There is something profound about her description of the rape victim as a container for her perpetrator's anger. And that is far from the only profound idea.

Having also read "Lucky" by Alice Sebold, I would say they are both very important books but this book is a far better glimpse into the recovery aspect.

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Considering whether or not to hide

"Throw away the lights, the definitions
And say of what you see in the dark" - Wallace Stevens

"Speech is civilization itself. The word . . . preserves contact - it is silence which isolates." - Thomas Mann

Following her rape, this author became a completely different person, a person who lived "with sudden fear the way others live with cancer. The fear was always there." It took seven years before she could begin writing about her experience. She states that the anniversary of her rape "was more significant than my own birthday, and yet there was only silence . . . I had become, the one who marked her anniversaries in silence . . . Could I celebrate my survival in silence and alone? Not according to Webster's, which defines the verb "to celebrate" this way: "to perform (a sacrament or solemn ceremony) publicly and with appropriate rites" . . . It pained my family and friends to remember. To acknowledge my experience might bring up what they hoped I had forgotten . . . for me to remind them that I had not forgotten seemed unkind, even cruel, because I knew they needed to believe I had. Our rite was, therefore, silence."

"I thought about Wittgenstein's observation that the limits of language are the limits of reality. Was rape off limits to our most distinctly human attribute - language? . . . I could no longer consent to silence."

Another friend and rape victim asked her, "How do I tell people who don't know, people who might become close friends? If I don't tell them, it makes it a secret, like something to be ashamed of. When I do tell them, they make it worse. They never ask me about it. It'a a part of me, part of who I am now, but they don't want to know about it. It's no-win. Just no-win."

"But silence has the rusty taste of shame. The words 'shut up' are the most terrible words I know. I cannot hear them without feeling cold to the bone. The man who raped me spat those words out over and over during the hours of my attack - when I screamed when I tried to talk him out of what he was doing, when I protested . . . The real shame, as I have learned, is to consent to them."

So she wrote an essay "Returns of the Day" in The New York Times Magazine in 1994. In response "Without exception, all of the letters from survivors described the isolation of the aftermath of rape, its life-altering transfromations."

"The victims of rape must carry their memories with them for the rest of their lives. They must not also carry the burden of silence and shame."

If you have friend or family member dealing with these issues (and the odds are that you do), here are other books that are also excellent on this and related topics, "Lucky" & "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold, & "Siolence" edited by Susan McMaster - all written by women. Rape victims and victims of relationship violence and abuse often hide their experiences and the behaviors of their abusers, feeling ashamed for even being involved with the abusive patterns. All of these books suggest women become more free and mentally at ease when they realize there is nothing to be ashamed of about being victimized. And they suggest the causes of our silences and the things we hide probably deserve more attention, new perspectives, and reconsideration.

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

"Silence has the rusty taste of shame. The words shut up are the most terrible words I know. . . . The man who raped me spat these words out over and over during the hours of my attack--when I screamed, when I tried to talk him out of what he was doing, when I protested. It seemed to me that for seven years--until at last I spoke--these words had sunk into my soul and become prophecy. And it seems to me now that these words, the brutish message of tyrants, preserve the darkness that still covers this pervasive crime. The real shame, as I have learned, is to consent to them."

After Silence is Nancy Venable Raine's eloquent,  profoundly moving response to her rapist's command to "shut up," a command that is so often echoed by society and internalized by rape victims. Beginning with her assault by a stranger in her home in 1985, Raine's riveting narrative of the ten-year aftermath of her rape brings to light the truth that survivors of traumatic experiences know--a trauma does not end when you find yourself alive.

Just as devastating as the rape itself was the silence that shrouded it, a silence born of her own feelings of shame as well as the incomprehension of others. Raine gives shape, form, and voice to the "unspeakable" and exposes the misconceptions and cruelties that surround this prevalent though hidden crime. With formidable power and in intimate detail, she probes the long-term psychological and physiological aftereffects of rape, its tangled sexual confusions, the treatment of rape by the media and the legal and medical professions, and contemporary cultural views of victimhood.

For anyone, female or male, who has suffered from or witnessed the shattering effects of rape, After Silence inspires and points the way to healing. This landmark book is a stunning literary achievement that is a testimony to the power of language to transform the worst sort of violation and suffering into meaning and into art.

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