People Pleasers Eradicated My Insanity

books:

	• People Pleasers: Helping Others Without Hurting Yourself Les Carter B&H Publishing Group, 2000 - 208 pages average customer review:based on 3 reviews view larger image
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People Pleasers Eradicated My Insanity

Yesterday I purchased this book with the intent that I would not like it and would take it right back after reviewing it. It less than 1 hour of reading it, it has become my salvation! I have been so unhappy and did not realize why until I read Les Carter's PEOPLE PLEASERS. In a flash I am cured of my curse of being sickeningly helpful - all to my detriment.I thought I should see a therapist, because I cound not understand why I felt I had to be so nice and helpful to everyone and almost nobody ever returned a kindness. This book was easy to understand and extremely helpful and though I will continue to be a pleaser, I have learned how to successfully please without hurting myself. I wish Les Carter had come into my life sooner. The rest of my life is now in control and I feel more confident -- the book made me realize I had to change -- it wasn't about other people it was all about me. Thank you Mr. Carter!

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Helped me a LOT

This book is an excellent staple in the library of people pleasers. Carter outlines many situations I've seen myself or others in, and gives practical solutions to setting boundaries for oneself and the demands of others. I especially liked the end of each chapter where he provides introspective questions and even space to write your answer. I didn't write my answers in, because I wanted my husband (who is also a people pleaser) to read it, and also I'm keeping the book to read and review again in a few years, and my answers may be different then.

All in all, this is a straightforward, easy-to-read, practical guide for people who are really overwhelmed by trying to please others (usually unsuccessfully). When I applied some of the techniques I learned in this book, I was astonished at the power I felt over myself and situations where I had previously felt helpless.

For example, I was having lunch with a friend, who was yet again complaining about her "horrible" husband, but never giving him any credit for anything good he does (he's not a bad guy, just has a big nag for a wife). During the course of the conversation she said something like "my husband is just so demanding and stubborn!" to which I replied, "as are you!" This is something I would never have said previously, but I was sick and tired of agreeing with her to try to make her feel better. She instantly shut up, the conversation turned from there, and I subsequently had a nice break from her company for a while. :)

Another not-so-user-friendly, but very helpful book I would recommend is "Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism," by Sandy Hotchkiss.

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Awesome!!

I thought this was an awesome book. It really really hit home for me. Now I know that I've been a people pleaser since I was a child, how it happened and what to work on to change it! This is the most important book for me that I have ever read. I practically highlighted the whole book!
It's so great to be able to put a label on it. Being a people pleaser can make you miserable and depressed and it can also be a turn off...

While the unhealthy effect of controlling personalities has long been discussed, Dr. Les Carter has also recognized another pattern of behavior that can be just as destructive. Often, in an attempt to be helpful or compliant, people pleasers may find themselves in an unhealthy relationship where they actually encourage others to manipulate or control them. The three-fold goals of People Pleasers are to recognize traits that lead you in the wrong direction, assess how you manage your life, and develop healthy attitudes and behaviors. Dr. Carter writes in order to help people pleasers recognize a relational style that is unhealthy to themselves, to find a "balance between their desire to serve and their ability to be assertive," and to "stand up for healthy convictions."

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