Let Me Offer a Hint to Anybody Still in Need of One

books:


	• The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting Christie Mellor Chronicle Books, 2004 - 144 pages average customer review:based on 57 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Parenting Advice for GrownUps

I've given this book to two adult (that is: over 30, educated professionals who don't intend to surrender their entire lives and minds over to the little one) couples as shower gifts. Both times, I was told how much the recipients enjoyed it. It's a tongue-in-cheek but practical book to raising children without devolving into their Barney-babbling slaves. I'll definitely order again when the next set of friends is expecting!

A great gift for the eighth month

I gave this book to an expectant mother in her eighth month who was tired of being pregnant and just wanted to have her baby. She lauged out loud and finished the book in an afternoon. She said it made her forget her extra weight and back discomfort. Since then, I have given it to others expectant mothers and grandmothers-to-be who have also enjoyed it immensely. Warning, this is a tongue-in-cheak book which tells you the proper age to have your child mix cocktails. Not for those without a sense of humor.

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Let Me Offer a Hint to Anybody Still in Need of One

Despite the scholarly title, The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting, is NOT an expert approved, exhaustively tested, lawyer vetted guidebook for the raising of children. Rather, it is a HUMOR book, one woman's personal reaction to a certain type of parent that we are ALL familiar with while TRYING to be funny. (If you don't know of any parents who fit these descriptions that MIGHT be because YOU do.) Thus, Ms. Mellor makes use of exaggeration, irony, and even deliberately trying to shock. Chances are that if you find yourself getting mad, you are supposed to be laughing instead.

Now does this mean there is NO useful advice contained within? Au contraire! However, you WILL have to glean such nuggets from among the jokes. Teetotalers should not overreact to "advice" to turn every child activity possible into an excuse for drinking alcohol because I think even Ms. Mellor would concede that parents who take nothing else from her book than an excuse to drink more often have missed the point. Pet lovers should not overreact to arguably sensible cautions to think long and hard before acquiring a pet for your child because few know better the all too frequent result of NOT thinking long and hard: abandoned pets.

However, Ms. Mellor's most important advice is more general. First, your children like all children, need to be TAUGHT how to behave, and if you do a bad enough job of it, your children will suffer the consequences all the rest of their lives. Second, while parenting is arguably a lifetime job, the heavy duty work is a temporary one. If you make your children too much of an obsession, you will be totally lost when they finally leave home, and you might not have any friends (or spouse) left by then.

Note: Ms. Mellor continues her parenting course in Three-Martini Family Vacation: A Field Guide to Intrepid Parenting while Were You Raised by Wolves?: Clues to the Mysteries of Adulthood is a remedial course for children whose parents failed to apply the lessons of the first two books. As for the OOP We Were Here First, Kid and the not yet in print You look fine, Really, your guess is as good as mine.

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I had to laugh at the negative reviews

First, for those who missed it, the comments about martinis are tongue-in-cheek.

I laughed out loud over some of the reviews which describe the author as not liking children or being intolerant of other parenting techniques, because I *KNOW* what those people's kids are like. The author does not dislike children nor is it alternate parenting techniques she is intolerant of--it's the whiny, spoiled rotten brats they produce she doesn't like.

I'm pediatrician who's been in practice a long time, and I spend all day with kids who cover the spectrum. I love kids. I hate whining. Here's a news flash for some parents--most kids are not actually whiny! Find that hard to believe? Then yours probably are.

This is actually my single favorite parenting manual. Yes, there's a lot of hyperbole, but the underlying message, that kids should join your world and not take over the universe, is one that a lot of parents don't seem to understand these days. This book gives parents permission to set boundries, to actually take some personal time and to plan activities for themselves, not just their kids, without feeling guilty about it. Happier adults with balanced interesting lives make much better parents.

So, if you want to raise a self-centered, whiny pill of a child incapable of entertaining himself, sleeping in his own bed or calming himself down without breast feeding when he's four or five, who thinks that saying the words "excuse me" is a free pass to interrupting adult conversation, and who believes the entire adult population was put on the world to cater to his every whim (and god knows apparently a lot of you do, because you seem to put a lot of time and energy into it) this really isn't the book for you.

If, on the other hand, you want to raise a happy, healthy, responsible, self-confident child who understands that life should be balanced, doesn't argue endlessly when you say "no", says "please" and "thank you" when you're at friends' houses, who you can take to a restaurant without worrying about how she's going to behave, who eats the well-balanced dinner you've spent a chunk of your evening preparing, who is capable of entertaining herself for an hour or so (without turning on the television!) while you do other things, who goes to bed at night without tantrums and most of all who your friends and family enjoy being around, then you're going to love this book.

And no, I don't expect kids to be perfect--far from it! But I do expect them to be raised with some modicum of boundaries and manners. And I expect parents not to completely give up their adult lives and relationships. For what it's worth, there are far more pleasant than unpleasant children around, but boy, can the unpleasant ones ruin an afternoon, dinner out, or a family gathering!!

No, it's not a manual of precise techniques (for that, check out the Super Nanny website--Jo has a lot of good videos there) to suddenly tame the child you've let run your life for however many years, but it's an important book about the role children should play in a family.

As I tell my patients' parents, yes, your child should BE the center of your universe, and they should feel safe and secure in life and in their relationship with you, but they shouldn't BELIEVE they're the center of the universe. Otherwise, they're in for a really rude awakening later. Raising children other people don't enjoy being around does the kids a huge disservice. Not to mention the rest of society who has to interact with them.

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Absolutely wonderful

I rarely laugh out loud when reading. This book caused people to give me odd looks on the commuter bus. Hilarious, wickedly satirical, with a good message underneath it all. Properly written, with illustrations straight out of the 1950s. I loved it.

I'm guessing the people who gave this book a poor review don't "get" The Colbert Report, either.

reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Parents were here first! How did the kids suddenly take control? Sure the world has changed from the days when children were supposed to be seen and not heard but things have gotten a little out of hand. What about some quality time for the grownups? Author Christie Mellor's hilarious, personal, refreshing, and actually quite useful advice delightfully rights the balance between parent and child. In dozens of short, wickedly funny chapters, she skewers today's parental absurdities and reminds us how to make child-rearing a kick. With recipes, helpful hints, and illustrations, this high-spirited book is the only book parents will really need and enjoy.

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