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From Bondage to Bonding: Escaping Codependency, Embracing Biblical Love
Nancy Groom

NavPress Publishing Group, 1991 - 206 pages

average customer review:based on 9 reviews
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   highly recommended  highly recommended



The Keenest Laser I Know

In her four-part book, FROM BONDAGE TO BONDING: ESCAPING CO-DEPENDENCY; EMBRACING BIBLICAL LOVE (Colorado Springs: Nav Press, 1991), Nancy Groom reveals to us the many self-destructive machinations that stir in the souls of human beings who have been inordinately deprived of love in their early years receiving instead emotional, physical, or sexual abuse and, like Virgil guiding Dante through the inferno, leads us from our "bondage" to a new life of "bonding love."

The first two parts unmask our secret, unconscious "strategies" (sin) to blindly "save our lives" from further harm. With keen insight, born of personal experience and true self-understanding, Groom sketches the picture of our self-centered internal condition in part one. She describes the origin of the problem in part two. While parts three and four walk us in the direction of recovery from our self-obsessed styles of relating. Maturity and freedom lie ahead as we begin to lovingly confront ourselves and others with honesty and authenticity.

If you are imagining that the subject of codependency does not apply to you, perhaps, you should consider Groom's working definition: "Codependency is a self-focused way of life in which a person blind to his or her true self continually reacts to others being controlled by and seeking to control their behavior, attituudes, and/or opinions, resulting in spiritual sterility, loss of authenticity, and absence of intimacy" (p. 21).

Some have called this book the 'best of the best' on the subject of codependency, and although I have only read a few on the subject, this is one of two books that God used to perform his surgery within my sick soul (the other instrument was INTRODUCTION TO THE DEVOUT LIFE by St. Francis de Sales). I doubt that I would have received heaven's sanction to write my book had I not gone under Nancy's knife several years earlier. You want sufficiently sharp tools during surgery--laser is better still--and although no surgical tool can guarantee a quick recovery, at least you know they have a good chance to get 'all the cancer.'

FROM BONDAGE TO BONDING is a laser. And, how does one adequately rate a book that gives us sight for our blindness, and assists us in "removing the log from our own eye?" Five stars? Maybe five stars, times five stars! Yes, at least that many.

Nancy, thank you for your courage in telling your story, and for providing the Lord a laser with which to work on the rest of us.


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My Life Has Changed

My life has changed dramatically since I read and started applying the biblical principals outlined in Nancy's book. I'm participating in a group at my local church that is reading this book together. When I got to the group 8 months ago, I was a train wreck, I was in the pit of despair and felt as if I was going to die. I wasn't focused on self, but blaming others for my life being such a mess. The margins look like my personal journal as God has continuously used Nancy to reveal me to self. She walks you through facing your own personal issues, even those which we tend to run from (like past abuse) and guides you to taking those things before God in repentance or just simply grieving over losses and hurts that you have experienced. She was the first to tell me it's okay to grieve over being abused before God. She also taught me how to allow God to heal those wombs and not to continue to allow myself to remain a victim and a prisoner of my past. She has taught me how to examine myself and I learned that although I have abuse in my past, I'm the reason for my life being so messed up and my own unhappiness. I needed to deal with my own sin issues. Today I'm learning how to enjoy my liberty in Christ. I'm learning to live and walk in grace and not to try and be perfect anymore. I'm learning it's okay to make mistakes, that God still loves me, even when I fail. I'm learning to allow others to be themselves, no matter what stage they are in their lives. I'm learning to trust God and live one day at a time. I feel a freedom that I have never known, and although I still have people in my life that are self destructing, their behavior no longer has an emotional stronghold on me. The best thing is, it's still okay for me to love them while allowing them to learn their own lessons. My relationships have changed. My life has changed. Thanks Nancy. Thanks for letting God use you.


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From Bondage to Bonding: Escaping Codependency, Embracing Biblical Love

This book works very well with the Christian-based 12 Step Program as a companion resource. I coordinate a women's 12 step program and we stopped at the end of step 4 to go deeper into the problem of codependency which most people working toward recovery must deal with. The group has found it to be very helpful and they believe it will help them to be more thorough as they proceed through the rest of the steps. It is well-written and directly applies to the work they are doing in the 12 step program.






Not in Bondage Anymore!

This is an excellence book! Worth getting for yourself and worth sharing. I'm only about halfway thru it but it's definetly freeing. My church has started a support group and we are reading this together now. One lady in the group sliced thru it like a hot knife thru butter! She finished in about a month. Now she heads up our support group. I highly recommend it to all, not just to those who are codependent or think they are codependent. Let's face it, we are all codependent at some level. Set yourself free!


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From Bondage to Bonding

The book arrived in a timely manner and was in great condition. Thank you for the prompt follow up and service. I will use this service again.


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BREAKING FREE IS ONLY HALF THE BATTLE.

Most teaching on codependency focuses only on how to break free from unhealthy relationships and establish independence and self-esteem. But "the freedom that moves us toward intimacy," says Nancy Groom, "is not merely freedom from codependency, with its fear and loneliness-it's also freedom to love, without control and manipulation."

In this thorough and nontechnical guide to assessment and recovery, Nancy Groom takes you beyond simply escaping codependency. She goes on to help you tackle the tough questions you'll face as you emerge from destructive relationships.

If you want to escape a way of life that keeps intimacy, authenticity, and spiritual vitality in bondage and discover how you can bond to God and others with passion and boldness, join Nancy Groom for a powerful journey-from escaping codependency to embracing biblical love.

"Personally, this is the most helpful book I've read in the past several years. Upon finishing it, I immediately began going through it a second time."-Dr. David R. Mains, Chapel of the Air

"It's about time we looked at codependency through biblical eyes. Groom discusses the journey from bondage to bonding with such clarity that we feel compelled and encouraged to begin our restoration process immediately. She gives rejuvenating hope to all who choose to be set free. This is a must-read for everyone!"-Marilyn Meberg, M.A., psychologist in private practice, Newport Beach, California

"Few, if any, authors have unfolded such a clear, liberating path to recovery as has Nancy Groom. Moving from a life of isolation and bondage into one of deep intimacy and community is not just a theory in From Bondage to Bonding. It's a reality awaiting everyone who is willing to risk."-Marilyn LeVan Chambon, M.A., counselor and workshop leader, Colorado Springs, Colorado TABLE OF CONTENTS: Preface: Promises for the Journey

PART ONE: WHAT DOES BONDAGE LOOK LIKE? Chapter 1: Codependency-A Self-Focused Way of Life Chapter 2: Self-Forfeiture-Resigned to Helplessness Chapter 3: Self-Contempt-Inclined to Feel Worthless Chapter 4: Self-Aggrandizement-Desperate to Control Chapter 5: Self-Sufficiency-Determined to Stay Safe Chapter 6: Self-Deception-Committed to Denial

PART TWO: WHERE DOES BONDAGE COME FROM? Chapter 7: Fervent Longings Chapter 8: Painful Losses Chapter 9: Self-Protective Pretense Chapter 10: Autonomous Independence

PART THREE: WHAT IS THE ROUTE TO BONDING? Chapter 11: The Healing of Grief Chapter 12: The Wonder of Grace Chapter 13: The Freedom of Surrender

PART FOUR: WHAT DOES BONDING LOOK LIKE? Chapter 14: Reciprocal Grace-Free to Love and Forgive Chapter 15: Courageous Vulnerability-Free to Abandon Denial Chapter 16: Mutual Freedom-Free to Relinquish Control Chapter 17: Spiritual Vitality-Free to Trust and Obey Chapter 18: Sacrificial Love-Free to Risk and Suffer


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