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Bold Love
Dan B. Allender, Tremper Longman

NavPress Publishing Group, 1993

average customer review:based on 19 reviews
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   highly recommended  highly recommended





Spiritual Insight With Challenging Choices

The book takes the reader into channels of thinking
which are spiritually challenging, and most unique,
in terms of exploring earlier relationships that
must needs be addressed once again.
Very well written, and informative.


A Must-Read

Bold Love is probably the most important book I have ever read. It was recommended to me for the practicality of the three last chapters concerning how to relate to evil persons, foolish persons and so-called ordinary sinners. I found these chapters very helpful. What I didn't expect from the book was a new perspective of myself and God. Allender's language is so graphic I wondered how a man could know what I, a woman, was thinking and feeling. Without knowing it, this is the book I was searching for and hoping for but didn't think existed. I will read it over and over.


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Best of Class

This gem of a book was published among a flurry of "me too" self-help psychobabble tomes and I think was lost among them. I am amazed every time I pull it out, at how relevant it still is.
I laughed when I saw the earlier review that said "I dare you" regarding this book.
I said the same thing when I gave it to a friend years ago. (I'm married to him now)






My Most Influential Book

What does it mean to "honor" a wicked parent? How do you love an abusive person without opening yourself up to more damage? What happens when you can't forgive and forget?

With a few exceptions, I generally write reviews of books I like which means I'm somewhat biasing the overall Amazon rankings. But let me say that of all the books I like or love, none has influenced my life more than Dan Allender's Bold Love. I say life because it has impacted so many areas from my relationships to my politics to my theology to my marriage. The book is about what it really means to love someone, anyone from the love of your life to an abuser to your greatest enemy. The crux of the message is that love is not forgive and forget attitude but rather one that admits the pain and hurt that has been caused and confronts it. But the purpose of the confrontation is really the key to the book. The purpose is not to cover your bases or get it off your chest to enable to move on and have closure. What was revolutionary to me at the time of reading was that it pointed me back to the object of love, the other. It solidified the fact that evil committed against you must be admitted and the accuser must be confronted. This is difficult and thus the "Bold" in the title. But the underlying belief is that no person is beyond saving. No person is beyond to hope of reconciliation.

The authors are Christians. Dan Allender is a counselor with many years of experience. Tremper Longman is a top-notch Old Testament Scholar who writes one of the chapters in the book himself and assists in writing the rest. Why bring an Bible scholar into a discussion of interpersonal relationships? Because their model for reconciliation is God's reconciliation with man. The sin that man commits against God did not disqualify us from being loved, it just made the task more bold. First of all, God calls a spade a spade. He does not deny the sin committed or the gravity of the consequences. He does not just forgive and look the other way. Rather, Jesus, or better to use the name Emmanuel in this context, dove right into the mess and sought after those who had abused God through their disobedience. He never gave up. He was tenacious always believing that reconciliation was possible. He interceded for his killers saying, "Father, forgive them."

The argument is that this should be our impetus for boldly going after those who have sexually, physically, verbally, or mentally abused us, whether fathers or mothers or former friends or outright enemies. God did not give up on creation. He sought after it at great expense to himself. This is what it means to love. This is what it means to love your enemies. The importance that the book places on admitting the evil that was done along with the hope that no one is beyond the reach of reconciliation is what has impacted my mind so much in so many different areas.

If you're interested in this topic in general I also recommend the following:

Exclusion and Embrace by Miroslav Volf - Award-winning book I've seen recommend by theologians/biblical scholars. (Author is a Christian theologian)
The End of Memory by Miroslav Volf - The latest offering from Volf and has been receiving rave reviews. (Same as above)
I and Thou by Martin Buber - Becoming somewhat of a modern day classic on the subject and I've also seen this recommended in theological circles. (Author is a Jewish philosopher)

Here is a summary outline of Bold Love which follows a wartime motif:

Section 1: The Battlefield of the Heart
This is the most theologically oriented section as it introduces the problem and describes the motivation to love based on what God has done.

Section 2: Strategy for the War of Love
This section is the meat of the book as it describes the steps toward reconciliation. First there is a passionate hope and hunger for restoration. Second, we mercifully revoke revenge and as we are reminded of our brokenness and how God hoped and hungered for restoration with us. Third, introduces us to the art of confronting the enemy.

Section 3: Combat for the Soul
This section takes the principals in the first two parts of the book and applies them practically to three different types of people who may have caused hurt in our lives. First, there is a chapter on loving an evil person, subtitled Siege Warfare. Specifically this is about sexual, physical, verbal, or mental abusers. Second, there is a chapter on loving a fool, subtitled Guerrilla Warfare. This is about people who carelessly cause great damage to another's soul. Third, there is a chapter on loving a normal sinner, subtitled Athletic Competition. This is the type of hurt you may deal with from most people on a daily basis.


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Bold Love

This is a terrific book on how to love, and how we really do not understand real biblical love very well. A must read for every believer in Christ!


reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4



IF CHRIST HAD PRACTICED THE KIND OF LOVE WE ADVOCATE NOWADAYS, HE WOULD HAVE LIVED TO A RIPE OLD AGE.

We've come to view love as being nice. Forgiving and forgetting. Yielding to the desires of others. Yet the kind of love modeled by Jesus Christ has nothing to do with manners or unconditional acceptance. Rather, it is shrewd. Disruptive. Courageous. And, as a result, socially unacceptable.

In Bold Love, Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Tremper Longman III draw out the aggressive, unrelenting, passionate power of genuine love. Far from helping you "get along" with others, Bold Love introduces the outlandish possibility of making a significant, life-changing impact on family, friends, coworkers-even your enemies.

"Bold love is anything by passive," writes Dr. Allender. "It is unpredictable, cunning, and creative. It is a violation of the natural order of things. In many cases it will unnerve, offend, disturb, or even hurt those who are being loved. But in the end it will also compel them to deal with the internal disease that is robbing them (and others) of true beauty."

So if it feels like you've turned the other cheek so many times your head is spinning, it's probably time to take a second look at your practice of love. Because there's nothing redemptive about a love that just accepts people for who they are.

"Original, profound, and dazzling!"-Brennan Manning, author of The Ragamuffin Gospel

"It will change your life."-Steve Brown, president, Key Life Network, and professor of preaching, Reformed Theological Seminary

"I'll read it again and again."-Dr. Raymond Dillard, professor of Old Testament, Westminster Theological Seminary

"The best modern book on love I've ever read."-Dr D. John Miller, director, World Harvest Mission, and author of Come Back, Barbara

"A feast!"-Mike Mason, author of The Mystery of Marriage


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