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Confessions of a Lost Mother
Elisa M. Barton

Elisa M Barton, 1996 - 157 pages

average customer review:based on 16 reviews
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Honest Portrayal of Adoption

As an adoptee myself and as a birthmother who has been found by my birthdaughter, I can state that many if not most adoption experiences are not what the birthparent expected when they placed their child up for adoption. When I placed my child, I was quite specific about the qualities I wished in the birthparents and was promised that they would be fullfilled. All these many years later, I find that my child was just sold to the highest bidder! After raising 3 other daughters myself, I have decided that the coercion which is used on most birthmothers to make them believe that financial advantage is preferred over nurturing advantage is so totally without merit it is laughable. My child was adopted; she was treated kindly until her adoptive mother had a birthchild of her own. After that, she was abused (as was I in my adoptive parent's home)physicially and emotionally. (That would never have happened in my home; my children adore me because I was a warm and loving mother.) Society too often portrays the birthmother as some slummy little tramp with not enough brains to keep her legs together and the adoptive mother as a woman of high class and a paragon of virtue. This books reverses that picture. The book may sound bitter, but then alot of birthparents are bitter about the lies they were told and the way they have been portrayed. Especially 25 years ago, birthmothers weren't given the choices they are now. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't give my pet dog to an adoptive parent.


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Confessions of a Lost Mother

Elisa M. Barton did a fabulous job getting this book together. From the time I first got the book, I could not lay it down until I had completely read all the way through it from the front cover all the way to the back cover. I received this book through the mail personally from Elisa and it was signed with "Best Wishes" by her. This is a book that I will read over and over and really treasure over the years. It is truly a book that I will recommend to others. This is a great book to read for those in the adoption triage with many unanswered questions!


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marrage of issue and cyberspace

Having made friends with the author playing bridge online, I was delighted to see a book that was inspired by both her passion for her subject and her use of the online chat environment to to deal with that subject. I think this book is both about adoption and the wonderful opportunities that exist to meet and share ideas and make friends online. Chat areas and the like are much malingned as silly places for silly people. But if you find a venue,,,a place with a purpose like Elisa's areas on adoption or more fun places like online bridge,,,,,the expansion of your world and the ability to reach others you would never see are amazing. While Elisa has found a great use in sharing her passion for the adoption issue,,,,and others just meet and make good friends in a friendly bridge room. Thanks Elisa and thanks for the book.


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reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4



"What was it like, giving up a child?"

This is the question that prompted the author to examine, for the first time, her true feelings about the child she gave up for adoption some twenty years earlier. In this collection of email letters and posts to mailing lists, the above question and similar ones are discussed by people from all three sides of the adoption triad: birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees. Topics of discussion include searching for one's birth parents or child, the fallacy of "birthmother's choice," abortion and adoption, and "The Best Adoption Whorehouse in America."

To say this book is an emotional one is a massive understatement: it is by turns heartwrenching and ecstatic; an incitement to anger and a blanket of comfort. I can hardly imagine what it would be like for someone who is a part of the adoption triad (I am not) to read it--I had to put it down a few times and wait for the tears to subside.

Thus, Confessions Of A Lost Mother is not just a book for those of an adoption triad, but for anyone interested in the psychology and sociology of family. In a very personal way, this book brings to light what adoption can really be like--and it's not about turning your back and going merrily on your way, which seems to be a favorite phrase of those who counsel pregnant teens. Read this book only if you are prepared to think and feel--and to have many of your previous notions turned upside down.


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