You can learn to live happily, work through your pain, and breathe free...

books:


	• Heartwounds: The Impact of Unresolved Trauma and Grief on Relationships Ph.D., Tian Dayton HCI, 1997 - 230 pages average customer review:based on 3 reviews view larger image
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A Map to Navigate A Desolate Land

This book is one I reach for again and again in trying to understand feelings and behavior for those who did not have good models for dealing with loss, grief, stress, depression. The book has several easily understood charts and summaries to explain its points. But the author writes clearly and uses good case histories to (1) explain what happens to individuals in trauma and loss, (2) what they take into their relationships with others from the tragedy. The author offers much hope that people can work through the origins of problems which blight relationships and grow beyond them to be healthy and happy themselves and with others!

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You can learn to live happily, work through your pain, and breathe free...

And I know that tag line sounds sappy...but I'm nearly done with this book; it has opened some new doors of thought and healing for me. Having grown up with an alcoholic, abusive mother, most of my life was spent trying to understand exactly what the heck I did to make this woman so rageful. There were other questions I'd never dared to ask. Like, "Where were you when I needed you?" "Why do I do the same thing over and over in my adult relationships?" "Why do certain things still sting?"

I know I'm a "good" person and yet stupid patterns kept repeating, to the point I knew they had to be dealt with. Grief. We drag it forward for years, and it works itself out every chance - unless you know how process it, let it go, and move on. You can.

Good book. Very good book.

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A Must Read for Those Recovering from Grief

This book uses a new lens to look at what is really going on in a relationship. It is an easy read and Tian uses language that is not too difficult for anyone to understand. The exercises at the back of the book are invaluable in gaining a greater introspective look at what makes you react in different circumstances. Unresolved grief is the problem that every relationship encounters. It is especially helpful in examining divorce and relationship interaction issues. Treat unresolved grief with understanding by looking at the whole picture and things will start looking up for all of us.

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Trauma has been defined as an interruption of an affiliative or relationship bond. If left unsettled, past grief and psychological trauma can continue to impact our adult relationships and cause us pain in our entire lives. It's possible we may not even realize what is happening to us because usually relationships fail in parts rather than in total. Early childhood losses or traumas can create pain that is relived in adult intimate relationships. Intimacy can provide both an arena for re-enacting old pain and/or healing it. In this fascinating work, noted psychodramatist Tian Dayton shows readers how relationships can be used as a vehicle for healing, personal growth and spiritual transformation. Through fascinating case studies and probing exercises, Dayton helps readers get in touch with the deepest parts of themselves and heal the wounds that plague them.

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