you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone

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	• Men in Midlife Crisis Jim Conway Chariot Victor Publishing, 1997 - 336 pages average customer review:based on 19 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Best midlife crisis book available

If you are going throug mid life crisis, this book is a must. It is definetly worth the cost. This book helps you understand what your going through. It also provides helpful advice so that you can avoid costly mistakes at cross roads in your life.

you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone

At the outset I must declare that I am an over 50 year old male who has never had the slightest desire to own a Corvette, red or otherwise and who has been fortunate, thus far not to do any of the things normally considered to be aspects of a mid life crisis.

Being British, however, one is just supposed to bite the upper lip and proceed through life like one of the majestic ships in Her Majesty's Royal Navy regardless of what is thrown at you. In plain English, we are not taught about such things, we are ignorant and some things are better that way.

Having said that I have been going through some changes in my life and the fact that I grew my hair long again, for the first time in a decade and a half brought forth a slew of comments about me going through a mid-life crisis with the result that research was needed so I turned to my tried and true stalwart friend, amazon.com for material.

Jim Conway's book came first and one of the things that became very clear was that some of the things that I was experiencing certainly fitted the template of mid-life crisis but also could be explained by depression or even simply burn out. As I proceeded to work through the book I was struck by the honesty of the author and his faith in his religion. The use of real life examples certainly illuminated the things he was saying and I could see the sense of his view. It was also clear to me that he has a tendency to be repetitive and reiterated the same things in slightly different contexts when a shorter book would have been preferred.

Also it became increasingly clear that from a personal perspective I was NOT undergoing a mid-lifer but was more frustrated at a lack of progress and development in the large corporate organisation that I currently work for. Similarly as a relatively highly educated individual my skills and talents are being unrecognised and wasted in the face of the requirement for unquestioned obedience.

I continued with the book until the end but it was superfluous by that stage.

In summary I would say that there is a need for books of this ilk. I would think that many people around forty will face questions that they had not encountered before or in a long time. Those people need answers which they will not get from their best friends or families and these books can help. I learned however, that there is a greater need to understand what is euphemistically called 'adult development' and that there are things that we should all do to help ourselves - the same old hoary chestnuts, eat right, exercise and maintain a good social network being the main ones.

This book ertainly helped me. It helped me to reassure myself that I was not having a belated mid-life crisis. It helped me to seek out other sorts of information. It helped me be grateful that I am the person I am and able to contribute in the small ways that I do and it helped me to see that while having some sort of religious belief is not essential to get through life, some sort of principles are.

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For those going through it -- it's a must-read

This book is a must-read for any couple 35 or older who sees things falling apart in their marriage, for any woman who sees huge and frightening changes in her middle-aged husband, or for the man over 35 who wonders why everything seems to be turning upside down in his private world.

When my husband and I were separated, a friend gave me this book (the earlier version), and I was amazed at how the things described within its covers mirrored what was happening to us. I gave it to my husband, and he said the same thing. Men in Midlife Crisis was a book that helped me understand the crisis that was rocking our marriage so I could hold on and not give up.

Ultimately, after a three-year separation, my husband and I restored our marriage, and we are happier than ever. But this book was one of the things that helped us get through that difficult time. Eventually I wrote a book of my own, Broken Heart on Hold: Surviving Separation, and have been able to pass the message of hope and healing onto others. Since I've written a book for those in marital crisis, I regularly recommend Men in Midlife Crisis to any of my own readers who may be dealing with midlife issues. The book is so comprehensive. I don't believe there is another book like it.

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awesome book

This book should be an absolute must for every married couple. midlife crisis will happen to all men to some degree, and women, you need to be prepared for it. Out of ten other books I have read on the subject, this one stands out way ahead of the others. This might end up in gifts for weddings of friends of mine!!

A helpful perspective for a trying time

I think this is a very helpful book for what can be a trying and difficult time in life. I will say, that if I could have given it 4 1/2 stars, I would have because the part written from a woman's perspective is just a bit out of touch - there are many women who work full-time and of those, many do not have the choice or luxury of staying home to raise their children. And one or two of his comments about a wife helping to correct "her" mistakes relating to her husband's midlife crisis were, I think, out of line. A man's midlife crisis is first and foremost about him, and wives really don't need anything else to feel guilty about when they find themselves in the middle of a muddle they didn't create, can't correct and basically have to try and stay afloat through. I am not saying that all wives are perfect - absolutely not, but while traversing this slippery path they are often made out to be the "bad guy" by their husbands anyway as a way for them to assuage their feelings of dissatisfaction. It's convenient to have someone to blame for all their unhappiness and pain. So, other than those reservations, I found the book to be very well thought out, very thorough and not very preachy. Yes God is spoken about and scriptures are quoted, but the man IS a minister and this is his story, as well as a general guidebook for other men following in his footsteps. All-in-all, I think it is very balanced - painfully honest, well researched & most of all, hopeful and encouraging. I'm very glad I bought the book & I'm sure I will read it again as we continue through the process. I have set it on my husband's bedside table & I am looking forward to discussing his take on the information. I will also absolutely buy a few copies for friends (both male and female) nearing the edge of the slope, as a sane roadmap written by a sure-footed guide who presents us, not with just the facts, but a bright beacon of hope.

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4

Jim Conway writes for all men who face midlife and have thought about walking away from family, work, church . . . all responsibilities, and never coming back. Of his own midlife crisis he says, "I feel like a vending machine. Someone pushes a button, and out comes an article. The family pushes buttons and out comes dollars. The community pushes other buttons. . . ."

Also available- Your Husband's Midlife Crisis by Sally Conway.

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