PRACTICAL GUIDELINES FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS OR SO OF A PERSON'S LIFE

books:


	• Sacred Dying: Creating Rituals for Embracing the End of Life Megory Anderson, Thomas Moore Da Capo Press, 2003 - 384 pages average customer review:based on 9 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

PRACTICAL GUIDELINES FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS OR SO OF A PERSON'S LIFE

SACRED DYING offers guidelines for helping a dying person die peacefully. For example, let the patient (dying person) guide you, rather than imposing your own wishes. Focus on their needs, not your own; put off your own sorrow (you can go through that after they die, and they no longer need you).

FOCUS ON THE DYING PERSON, and let it be THEIR special time--their last few days or weeks on earth deserve to be honored, as a kind of celebration of their life; let them be surrounded by love.

In fact, one family sang a "happy birthday" song (even though it wasn't the person's birthday)--since there is no song for dying (and dying is a rebirth into a new life, the realm of the spirit).

PEACE--LOVE--LIGHT: key words for end-of-life celebrations/rituals.

Since dying is also a letting go, and saying good-bye, having family members present can aid in reconciliation and forgiveness of old grudges.

Music, reading aloud from sacred scriptures or poetry the patient likes, cleaning the room and bathing the patient, all help create an atmosphere of sacred specialness. (In fact, in my own life, when I was sitting with a dying women as a Hospice volunteer [excellent preparation for when my own loved ones die, I believe], I recited the 23rd Psalm ["The Lord is my shepherd...he makes me lie down in green pastures," etc. after I offered to recite it and the patient was open to hearing it.) Often family members gather around the sick person's bed and say, "Thanks for what you did for me...the trip to the ocean..." or whatever the two did together. It becomes a thanksgiving to the person, and for their life and what they've done. (It does help to bring in an outsider--a family friend--since the family members are usuallly too full of emotions to think of, or set up, a final celebration/ritual.

Another recommendation is sitting overnight with the just-deceased person's body, a spooky, absurd, and alien idea at first to many people--but all who do it end up glad they did. It helps the living adjust to the fact that the loved one really has died. And just as important, the author feels--and I agree--it may be quite helpful and important in aiding the soul of the dead person to move on, leave earth, and go heavenward ("towards the Light," as some people say can be helpful...this is my own experience, not necessarily mentioned in SACRED DYING).

I cried when I read of the youth in San Francisco with AIDS, alone and abandoned by his family. Many of the stories brought tears to my eyes. I feel they helped me emotionally clear the air, so when a loved one dies, I well be more ready to help them leave in peace and hope, with less fear and more optimism, than otherwise would be possible.

I also recommend BEYOND DEATH by Stanislav Grof (worldwide artwork depicting the soul's journey in the afterlife). And for a difficult death where psychedelic therapy (legal, safe) might help, see THE HUMAN ENCOUNTER WITH DEATH, coauthored by Grof.

Also I wonder if Kenneth Ring's HEADING TOWARDS OMEGA, as well as Betty Eadie's EMBRACED BY THE LIGHT, and other near-death-experience books might inspire the susrvivors of the deceased...and help the living to better adjust to their recent loss of a loved one, giving them hope to go on living, and facilite their return to a full, abundant, and satisfying life. (Just as the departed soul in presumably enjoying in the afterlife.)

Finally, one year or more after a person's death, their living relatives and friends might find Raymond Moody's book REUNIONS of some interest. (It tells of using mirrors to contact the deceased loved one, and since it was while gazing into the mirror while I was shaving that I unintentionally felt my just-deceased Grandmother was saying, "How light and warm it is here, compared to where you are!" [It was an overcast, chilly December morning in Burlington, Vermont where I was at the time], I conclude Moody's mirror method--used for thousands of years--might prove workable. [Sensing my Grandmother was reassuring...to know she was comfortable, safe, and well in a place filled with light and beauty...I imagine like an open grassy glade at the edge of a forest.])

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As you leave us

Megory Anderson's book 'Sacred Dying' creates a need where none may have existed--the need to plan our own departure from a world we may hate or love but seldom are ready to leave. Unfinished business, the need to say thank you and sorry, accounts, the desire to have one chance to improve, take revenge ... The list is endless. And the need to be able to choose one's hour of departure, in the way one would like needs to be acknowledged and addressed. Megory has certainly addressed some of these needs but perhaps her being located in the Western world has left out those who live in another continent but who nevertheless will be leaving one day or another.
As the Yaksha asked Yudhistir, the eldest of the five Pandavas of the Mahabharat ( in which the Bhagvadgita is found), "What is the greatest miracle?" The wise Yudhishtir's answer satisfied the Yaksha (but that is another story). The answer was, and is "The fact that all of us are mortal and yet we believe we are immortal and spend all our lives accordingly".
I wish that Megory would address the needs and customs of those who belong to other religius persuasions so that we may accordingly benefit.
An excellent book indeed!

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Embracing the end of life

Megory seeks to bring meaning to the end of life. She encourages the reader to make dying a sacred event. One way she creates this sacredness is with rituals. Megory includes in her book a wide range of Scripture, Sacred Texts, and Poetry to aid in creating this sacredness of space and participants. This is a good resource to have on the shelf when we have the opportunity to help others embrace the end of life.

A "must read" for all human beings

This is one of the books I recommend as a "must read" for all human beings! I only wish I had found this book years ago when I was helping a loved one navigate her own death. I was so ill equipped, mentally and emotionally. I would have done things so differently-- this book has made me view the dying process (and the possibilities for making it incredibly special) in a whole new way. Megory Anderson is the modern day Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. I now give this book to friends on a regular basis.

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Essential Read for Hospice Workers

I have worked in hospice for over four years and recommend this book to
every volunteer and employee who works directly with those who are dying.
Megory Anderson's compassion and knowledge shine through on every page.
Jennifer Walz, Dallas Texas

reviews: page 1, 2

Death may be inevitable, but dying alone or in fear does not have to be. Sacred Dying is theologian Megory Anderson's essential testimonial and handbook for creating a dignified, peaceful, and more sacred end to life. Anderson includes a section with many prayers and poems from various traditions, and shows how to use personalized and creative rituals to help those dying prepare for their death and to bring a sense of peace, reconciliation, and acceptance both to themselves and to the loved ones they leave behind. She discusses all aspects of this final transition, including how to help a dying person put "unfinished business" to rest; using massage to help the dying let go of his or her body; and how to use music to help the dying focus on specific times, places, or events. For this first-ever paperback edition, she adds a chapter on what can be done after death to help move the soul along. Intended for those who are going through the death of a loved one as well as those facing death personally, Sacred Dying facilitates creating a setting where death is experienced as it should be?with honor, respect, and sacredness.

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