Insightful & Practical, Easy to understand. A Must Read Book!

books:


	• Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving With the Self-Absorbed Wendy T. Behary New Harbinger Publications, 2008 - 184 pages average customer review:based on 10 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Highly effective and beautifully written

I have over 25 years of full time practice as a therapist and have had extensive training in psychoanalysis, cognitive therapy and schema therapy (the approach upon which this book is based). This book does justice to the full depth and complexity of Narcissism. It does not offer simplistic advice or a quick solution that, like chewing gum, seems great at the start but quickly fades. With warmth, a delightful sense of humor and compassion, this author takes you by the hand and introduces you to the key strategies we have found effective in dealing with, and overcoming, narcissism. This book is clear, practical, and enjoyable to read. It will take time, effort and repeated study to fully grasp all that is offered but I can assure that your effort will be well rewarded since this author has obviously "done her homework" and truly knows. Upon first read, some of the strategies may seem difficult to execute. This is because they are built upon a blending and layering of skills and knowledge involving the heart and the mind. This is what it takes to be effective with narcissism. There is not a quick and easy way. I can assure you that if you are not just going through the motions, they work. Similar to learning to play a musical instrument or a new sport like golf or tennis, what can seem daunting at the start will eventually be in your grasp if you break it into the steps you need and gradually put it all together. Some of us will be a quick study and some of us will benefit from additional "coaching". The author provides useful links for the latter.

I, as a seasoned therapist, have learned a great deal from this book and find it making a significant difference in my work. I will be returning to it repeatedly myself.

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Insightful & Practical, Easy to understand. A Must Read Book!

Wendy Behary has deep scientific knowledge of her topic and immense clinical experience. They both come in very handy as she writes this insightful book that is also full of practical advice as to how to cope and survive the self-absorbed (and there are so many of them out there, some in disguise!). Even though she uses a lot of hard scientific information, her book is easy to understand by any reader without specific knowledge on the subject. It is a must read kind of book for all those dealing with a narcissist in their lives, but also for anyone intrigued by the complexity of human nature.

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Fell short of what is promised

Overall, I found this book to be disappointing. It was helpful in terms of learning about narcissists and why they behave the way they do. The information about schemas and the reasons why we let narcissists push our buttons was also interesting. What I was looking for--as promised in the book--was strategies for dealing with people with this disorder, and I thought that those listed were very unrealistic. The examples of helpful dialogue that the author gives are just not practical. A narcissist would be have tuned out after the first sentence of most of those monologues. The tips for dealing with a narcissist coworker were few and far between. Basically, I was left with the impression that there is not much you can do about a narcissist in your life except change your own behavior or get them out of your life.

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Simple & useful information

This book could be disappointing if you are looking for an in depth explanation and analysis of narcissism. However, if you are looking for ways to help and protect yourself in relation to a narcissist, this book has a lot to offer.

The author gives a compassionate look at what makes a narcissist, in plain and simple terms without a lot of jargon or technical terms. She also helps the reader understand and identify how and why the narcissist manages to push his/her buttons, and gives simple exercises and suggestions for helping free him/herself from it.

I highly recommend this book for the lay-person who may find him/herself caught in destructive relationship with the chronically self-absorbed narcissist.

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reviews: page 1, 2

How can you handle the narcissistic people in your life? They're frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. You might need to interact with some of them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one--so sometimes it just doesn't work to simply ignore them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with narcissists, getting your point across and meeting your needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments. This book offers a host of effective strategies for dealing effectively with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe.

Disarming the Narcissist will show you how to move past the narcissist's defenses using compassionate, empathetic communication. You'll learn how narcissists view the world, how to navigate their coping styles, and why, oftentimes, it's sad and lonely being a narcissist. By learning to anticipate and avoid certain hot-button issues, you'll be able to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you'll find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist. Finally, you'll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it's time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.

"Anyone whose life predicament includes dealing with a narcissist will be well-advised to read Wendy Behary's book and heed her advice. Disarming the Narcissist offers sound suggestions and keen insights--a breakthrough in one of psychology's toughest cases."

--Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence

"...a valuable contribution to the growing self-help literature on the fascinating subject of narcissism. Behary takes the reader step-by-step through a process of understanding our personal triggers to the wounding inherent in narcissistic relations and then lays out a pathway for personal empowerment and change."

--Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, author of Why Is It Always About You?

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