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Hearing Is Believing: How Words Can Make or Break Our Kids
Elisa Medhus

New World Library, 2004 - 256 pages

average customer review:based on 9 reviews
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   highly recommended  highly recommended





EVERYONE should read this book!

This book was amazing. It not only explains everything in a simple to understand way, the author gives you ways to easily implement alternative ways of communicating with your kids (and with almost anyone for that matter) immediately. I think EVERYONE should read this book. It is guaranteed to improve your relationships, period.


An important set of considerations on underlying teachings

Words can make or break a child's efforts, and effective communication with kids involves choosing them carefully. Parents interested in better interaction with kids will find Hearing Is Believing deftly blends humor with fun insights as it pinpoints common phrases and words which can inadvertently provide the wrong message. An important set of considerations on underlying teachings.


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Good message - but a little too complex

Medhus has a great message in this book. I was with this book whole heartedly for the first 4 chapters. After awhile there are so many words/phrases that she suggests one shouldn't say that it is overwhelming. I find myself not wanting to saying anything to my daughter for fear it might be one of those many, many, many examples that is ill-advised in the book. I will not give in though but I do wish the message was more simplistic and easier to implement.
We are also struggling right now with what to say to our 15 month old as she is starting to walk, talk and learn many skills - "good job" is now off limits (per the book) - that's difficult.


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Every parent should read this book!

What an insightful and helpful guide to parenting. I believe I can do a better job of raising my seven-year-old as a result of reading this book. It made me realize the importance of enabling my child to be more responsible and how that will help him build his self-esteem. Her message was strong and clear that parents need to help children recognize their own self-worth and let that, rather than continual outside validation, determine how they feel about themselves. I feel better prepared to do this after reading this book.

It is well known that the way we raise our children has a huge impact on how they will function as adults. Elisa Medhus allowed me to better understand that. What better gift to give our children than the chance to be highly functioning adults who can actually feel good about themselves? This book will help parents give their children a better shot at a healthy and happy life. The author has a great sense of humor which made the reading all the more enjoyable. I highly recommend this book for all parents.


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Good ideas, sometimes flawed.

Mathus has some wonderfully helpful things to say about how to talk to children to foster cooperation rather then defiance, and what she says about raising children to be self sufficient is excelent. However, she gets a little too caught up in her own theorys sometimes to the point that it starts being rediculous, and her ideas about how to handle things like sibling violence you really need to examine for yourself instead of taking them at face value. It may have worked in her family, but there is no way I would let my children get by with some of the things she brushes off as kids being kids.
'Hearing is Believing' is similar enough to 'Raising Children Who Think for Themselves' by Mathus that you really only need to read one, I would suggest this one. Over all it is a very good book, just think critically about some of the advice given.


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In Hearing Is Believing, award-winning author Elisa Medhus argues that even seemingly harmless phrases such as "You're such a good girl" can encourage children to become approval seekers, thwart their ability to reason, or both. Over time, these children become less inclined to trust their parents' guidance and internalize their values. Exposing potentially harmful words and phrases, many that may surprise readers, this book suggests language changes that are simple to implement and keep up. Stories illustrate positive results.



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