Caregiving with Grace, Guilt, Grandchildren . . . and Love

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	• The Bipolar Dementia Art Chronicles: How a Manic-depressive Artist Survives Being the Primary Caregiver for ... Lynne Taetzsch Booklocker.com, 2005 - 244 pages average customer review:based on 5 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Fantastic Book

The book is well written and insightful on many levels. It is a must read for caregivers and families dealing with issues openly and honestly.

Ms. Taetzsch is a very gifted writer and artist.

Andrew S.

self-identity in caregiving!

I began reading this book because of the references to manic depression and art but quickly found this to be a book of much broader scope. The reader is brought along with Taetzsch of a journey of self-discovery as she struggles not only with her identity as a bipolar artist but also as she takes on the role of caregiver for her father, who suffers from Alzheimers, and her aging mother-in-law.

Taetzsch navigates the complexity of aging and illness and family dynamics to the backdrop of her work as a successful painter. Through all of this stuggle we see her emerge with a greater understanding of herself and others. As a reader brought along on her journey I found myself awakened to similar insights within my own life. This is a must-read for anyone interested in balancing creative energy with trauma.

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PERSONAL MEMOIR

The Bipolar Dementia Art Chronicles
How a Manic-Depressive Artist Survives Being the
Primary Caregiver for Her Father & Ex-Mother-in-Law:
A Memoir
Lynne Taetzsch
Booklocker.com, Inc.
[..]
Life is hard to correct the illusion that it should be easy. . . Buddha might say, and this book reinforces how difficult life can be at times. Anton LaVey might say, "Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself." And therein is lies a clue.

The author, in a moment of irrational exuberance, you might say, and over estimating her patience and endurance, relocated her 93-year-old father and 92-year-old ex-mother-in-law to live near her in an assisted living facility. When she could not meet all their demands and needs, she became manically depressed or, in contemporary terms, bipolar dementive.

There are many memoir books written about taking care of elderly parents, spouses or beloved friends, and I am certain they are helpful and informative to others who find themselves with such a responsibility. Ms. Taetzsch is openly honest about her feelings and frustrations throughout this period of her life. To me the book read like a journal which possibly a counselor suggested she keep in order to maintain her sanity-a release you might say.

I certainly can understand why one would become depressed when one has reached the limit of his/her endurance and has to turn the problem over to someone else. It would be a fact of personal failure; however, there is always something good that comes out of something bad, if one can recognize and embrace it . . . if nothing more than to learn one's limits. Ms. Taetzsch recognized a part of the good, and I quote: "I'm glad I brought Dad to Ithaca to live, though. We became close in a way we had never been before, and taking care of him brought me closer to my brothers and sisters."

Did I learn anything from this book? Yes, to remember what my limits are, as I too have thought I could fix everything for the ones I love, which was not true.

Reviewed by Kaye Trout - May 5, 2006 - Copyright

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Caregiving with Grace, Guilt, Grandchildren . . . and Love

Every year I receive dozens of books to review that are memoirs about taking care of elderly parents, spouses and those with various disabilities. Knowing that I, too, have an elderly parent, I embrace these books as a way to better appreciate what the future holds for me.

The Bipolar Dementia Art Chronicles turned my expectations on their head and made me laugh, chortle, smile and sigh.

The first tip-off that this book was different came when Ms. Taetzsch indicated that she had been a professor of creative writing at Morehead State. It's hard to imagine a "poor little me" memoir from someone who has taught creative writing and loves to paint. The front cover, on second inspection, reinforced that thought with its bright, vivid boldness based on a painting of hers. Visiting the Web site for her art, I saw that Ms. Taetzsch is a woman of immense energy, optimism and enthusiasm.

That gave me a new thought. You know the old question and ironic answer, I'm sure: "How do you get something difficult done? Find a busy person to do it." It occurred to me to wonder if perhaps Ms. Taetzsch is a high bandwidth person who has much to teach all of us who eagerly take on a bit too much. The book soon confirmed that diagnosis.

Ms. Taetzsch is also someone who goes through the emotional highs and lows of being bipolar (what some used to call manic-depressive) . . . and those highs can also be times when one takes on a bit too much . . . like when she decided to move to upper New York state to be near her daughter and grandchildren along with her retired husband . . . and then arranged to move her father and ex-mother-in-law (both in their early 90s) into the same assisted living facility a few miles from her new home.

How would everyone cope? Surprisingly well, as it turned out.

Her father was losing his short-term memory so it was a bit of a struggle to keep him in regular assisted living. But he loved the company, the food and seeing his family more often. Her ex-mother-in-law didn't like the food at all (having always been a good cook) and didn't receive enough company to suit her tastes.

Ms. Taetzsch learned all kinds of new skills -- such as providing gifts of chocolates to the staff to improve daily care, finding ways of follow up on ridiculous ideas by physicians that were virtually impossible to do and adjusting everyone's medicine when new, scary symptoms predictably broke out after new prescriptions were taken.

But she also realized that she wanted to mean more in the lives of these two people. Of six children, Ms. Taetzsch had hardly been her father's favorite. Being the local relative in charge put them into a more intimate and caring relationship than would have otherwise occurred. But it still hurt when her father continually confused her with her sisters or asked for sisters who rarely visited.

As with all patients who are losing a bit of memory, there were predictable struggles over bothering other patients, disrobing at the wrong times and places, not taking enough showers, not changing underwear and becoming disoriented. Ms. Taetzsch dealt with it all with good humor . . . except she couldn't persuade her father to change his underwear. A brother could accomplish that task if he arrived earlier enough in the morning . . . but the visits were all too seldom. Fortunately, Ms. Taetzsch had lost her sense of smell . . . while keeping her sense of humor.

In between, there were long hours of playing cards, repeating answers to questions asked a few minutes before and following up with medical and assisted living personnel.

Occasionally, there would be a fall or medical set back. Ms. Taetzsch would take all of these events personally . . . as though she had harmed one or the other intentionally. Her conscientiousness does her credit. But the guilt was misplaced.

Then, events began to pile up on the negative side of the ledger. Both of her elderly care receivers were having problems at the same time. Her husband had a nasty fall and a lengthy recovery. Her bipolar condition seemed to get worse. Art was something that seemed temporarily beyond her . . . or would it move away permanently? With a bit of despair, Ms. Taetzsch has to call for more help. Fortunately, she received that help. But she was drained and didn't enjoy the periods leading into the final illnesses for her father and ex-mother-in-law. She felt deep guilt about that was well.

Ms. Taetzsch, I think you should be proud of yourself! You did well. I hope my daughter will be as kind and thoughtful to me as you were for your Dad and ex-mother-in-law.

And I enjoyed reading what you had to say. I think others will, too.

To see the hidden blessing in all this, consider the book's final words: "I'm glad I brought Dad to Ithaca to live, though. We became close in a way we had never been before, and taking care of him brought me closer to my brothers and sisters. I don't see them as often any more, and I miss them."

If you have an elderly parent who is going to need more care in the future, check this book out. Ms. Taetzsch can show you how this can be rewarding for everyone.

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Solace for all care givers of elderly

Lynne Taetzsch does those of us dealing with infirm elderly relatives a great favor. Her candid account of caring for her father and (ex)mother-in-law reveals all the hesitations, resentments and, most of all, the imperative of LOVE which characterizes this situation. Taetzsch is hard on herself, revealing with utmost candor moments of annoyance and even anger, as she moves along in this journey, which is complicated by her own bipolar condition. What is most clear is her over-the-top devotion to these two figures in her life, her constancy and her relentless drive to make their existence as comfortable as possible as they "decline" into their early/mid 90's and meet their eventual demise.
So many of us face similar situations (although who would go so far as to take primary responsibility for an ex-mother-in-law! This speaks volumes about Taetzsch's innate generosity). I found the vignettes of daily situations most helpful;they showed the kind of small disasters (incontinence, for example, or the total disruption of daily schedules)that can test even the most loving and dedicated of caregivers.
Taetzsch, an accomplished professional artist, evidently found her own personal solace in making art. This dimension of her experience is worthy of greater exposure, perhaps a sequel to this touching, easily readable, and great contribution to works (and how-to's) on caring for the elderly.

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This is the memoir of a bipolar artist who decides while in a hypomanic state to bring her 93-year-old father and 92-year-old ex-mother-in-law to live near her in an assisted living facility and become their primary caregiver. Overwhelmed soon after they arrive, she slides into a depression and struggles to maintain their lives and her own while continuing to paint. Told in a frank and quietly humorous style, the book portrays her struggles with doctors, nursing homes, dementia wards, family squabbles, drugs and other therapy. The reader will find insight and empathy in this "healing and compulsively readable" book.

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