Great Insights from a Humble Learner

books:


	• Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs Emerson Eggerichs Thomas Nelson, 2004 - 240 pages average customer review:based on 205 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Great Insights from a Humble Learner

My husband and I (12 years) have a wonderful marriage, but I read this book anyway since my wonderful Christain counselor highly recommended it. This is the only Christain marriage book I've been able to complete - a surprise for me! Emerson helped me to understand why we have such a great marriage. I plan to keep it in stock and give them as gifts to the engaged and the unhappily married. I've already passed on my first copy. The other Christain "wedding gifts" books (yes, even the popular) were too superficial, full of cliches, and lost on a book shelf before even finishing the first chapter. There are too many bad publishers that allow good meaning Christains to write too many bad books in the name of Christainity, aren't there? Which is why I make it a point to put in good reviews of good Christain books.

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Non-Christian but amazed!

Despite my recoiling against his religious basis, and my discomfort at what I see as his mis-attribution of what are clearly scientific causes to "god and the bible" -- I found his book to be absolutely *excellent*, and I recommend it eagerly to everyone I know. Despite having studied and read and counseled many women and couples, my eyes were opened when Eggerichs presented the unfound key to intersex relationships: it's not love for both members in the couple: it's love for women and *respect* for men that is the basis of a solid relationship. His metaphor of pink and blue glasses, hearing aids, and megaphone is an excellent shorthand for what I have tried to get both sexes to understand. (Deborah Tannen in her excellent books describes it as men and women speaking different languages despite it sounding like they're using the same words. Dr. Pat Allen, in her books and seminars, teaches that when a man is respected by his partner, he feels cherished, and when a woman is cherished by her partner, she feels respected -- because each has a different underlying need: for a woman to cherish a man's feelings is mommying him, and for a man to respect a woman is masculinizing her.)

Emerson's communication template: (him:) "what you said sounded disrespectful, was I unloving?" and (her:) "what you said sounded unloving, was I disrespectful?" as a way to respond instead of knee-jerk defensiveness (or rather, after controlling one's natural knee-jerk defensiveness {wink}) allows fighting, angry, or unhappy couples to change the dynamics of their interactions, in a way that recalls their love and good-hearted connection to each other.

Amazing amazing book.

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I needed this book

We've been using Love and Respect to structure the discussions we have in our Couples' Ministry classes (www.familycogic.org). While our discussions have always been lively, the book reveals God's answers to questions couples have had since Adam and Eve from the Bible:

+ Why is our marriage so crazy sometimes?
+ How do we stop "the crazy cycle"?
+ Why doesn't my wife respect me?
+ Why doesn't my husband love me?
+ How can I get my spouse to love or respect me more?
+ How can we ensure continued growth in our love and respect for each other?

I needed this book. We were destined to keep spinning in "the crazy cycle", it seemed, and I was powerless to stop it. The book gave me the tools I needed to stop the spinning and help us get on a course toward a more mutually fulfilling marriage.

Student pilots learn how to recover from spins in all sorts of aircraft. They do this by making the plane spin, and then doing the steps (some of which wouldn't seem to make sense) to get back into controlled flight.

Life sometimes causes us to spin out of control. In the way that a instructor pilot helps his student, Dr. Eggerichs coaches us in the steps for recovering from the spinning of "the crazy cycle", and challenges us to press toward the mark of the high calling God has given us as husbands and wives.

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A Great Help to any relationship

This book is a great resource for those needing to understand the differences between a man and wife -- Dr. Eggeriches 2 books make an excellent resource for couples. Start with "Love & Resepect" and then keep reading -- Cracking the Communication Code Workbook: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language.

Pastor Steve W

great book

This is an excellent book for married couples, or even before you get married, we use it for marriage counseling and are using it for a sunday school class

reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Based upon Ephesians 5:33 and extensive biblical and psychological research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs reveals the power of unconditional love and unconditional respect and how husbands and wives can reap the benefits of marriage that God intended.

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