A Necessary Book For Men (And The Women Who Love Them)!

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	• The Compleat Gentleman: The Modern Man's Guide to Chivalry Brad Miner Spence Publishing Company, 2004 - 264 pages average customer review:based on 26 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Gandhi or Galahad?

Miner has provided an excellent description of concepts of honor and chivalry and "gentlemanly" behavior across the last two thousand plus years. The discussion is wide-ranging, from Trappist monks to stoic philosophers to medieval knights and modern warriors. A particularly telling point came towards the end, where Miner comes to pick up his son at school. It turns out that his son has been involved in a fight. He asks the teacher who started it, and she looks at him in disbelief. She wants to know if it matters. Miner replies that it does. He wants his sons to emulate Galahad, not Gandhi. He wants sons who are ready to decide what is right and to defend it. That is not, of course, to say that Gandhi's ideas might not have been important and relevant, but perhaps not applicable to this situation (in Miner's opinion). There is a difference between aggression and self-defense. There is a difference between being devoted to justice and being a bully. A "compleat gentleman" is dedicated to defending the weak, and standing up for what is right. He has manners, but not in a foppish manner. He is generous. He gives of himself, financially, emotionally and physically, but not in a "showy" manner. A few reviewers have been upset that Miner did not serve in Vietnam. He discloses this fact openly, and does not beat it to death, and regrets his decision. In any way that one looks at this, should he be punished for the rest of his life for the decision made then? The concepts of the book are important, and not momentary failings (or not, given the nature of the conflict) of the author. The only issue I might take with the author is on his assessment of dueling. It is mostly disparaged, where other scholars of the topic have considered it an indispensible "final rememdy" of an insult to honor. Some consideration of this topic would have been appreciated. My six year old son will get his own copy as soon as he can read at this level.

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a valuable book, but not a gentleman's behavior manual

This is largely not a situational manual on how to be a gentleman, but a book on the history and philosophical elements of being a gentleman. The principles Brad Miner discusses and emphasizes can be abstracted to:
1. Selflessness.
2. The quality of a monk: wanting to learn and to improve oneself.
3. Warrior spirit: using male aggressiveness properly, by being ready to defend the weak and respond to challenges. This includes mental combat when it is impossible or inappropriate to fight physically. Miner repeatedly emphasizes that in World War II, the warriors included intelligence agents and code talkers. (This particularly interests me, because I'm handicapped and, as far as I know, can't serve in the military.)
4. Believing women to be superior, and in love, giving a woman what she wants and allowing her to be what she wants to be.

In addition to very extensively discussing the history of gentleman since the days of Rome, Miner--who is a Roman Catholic convert--gives substantial information on Catholic history, because the Catholic Church was the main cultural and political institution in European culture during the time knights existed, and knights--especially the Knights Templar--were the precursors of gentlemen.
Being realistic at all times, Miner acknowledges that knights were usually *not* gentlemen. However, many aspired to gentlemanly virtue, he notes, and a few attained it. He describes William Marshal, a soldier and Knight Templar, as the ideal gentleman, which is supported by known history.
Miner is also honest in admitting his own failures to live up to gentlemanly standards at times. In his youth, he avoided Vietnam War service as a conscientious objector, and indicates in the book that he is sorry and ashamed of that. He also says that he tried to live in a monastery for a while, but left because he couldn't accept the absence of women.
If you are looking for an exhaustive list of what a gentleman does in all situations, you won't find it in this book, though.

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A Necessary Book For Men (And The Women Who Love Them)!

Brad Miner's book "The Compleat Gentleman, The Modern Man's Guide to Chivalry," is a necessary book for everyman. Be forewarned though, this is special subject matter that is not dispensed in a "how to" format or allows for quick reading & absorption from a "bullet point" tier list; nor should it be so. Like so much else in this world the magic of this book will inevitably be lost on some. So it goes, "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear (anonymous Buddist proverb)." Unfortunately not everyman can be a gentleman, but they should certainly make the attempt.

Written in a narrative survey type of format Miner introduces the history and concepts of medieval chivalry and the apparent and not so apparent transformation of those concepts into modern contemporary life.

Miner's insights, humor, and personal transformation guide the reader like a good and patient teacher. Well done and necessary. Every wife and mother should purchase a copy for the men in their life. Thank you Brad Miner for successfully scoring a bullseye in the often neglected and disparaged literary field of personal growth and development for males, young and old.

Without reservation five stars.

JP
Ports and Happy Havens

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The A Rather Compleat Book

The first 3/4's of the book is mostly historical documentation and facts about knights and the concepts of chivalry as they were and as they are commonly (and often wrongly) interpreted. For those of you who love history you'll love it. For those of you who don't, bear with it because it all comes together at the end. It's also presented in a way that's interesting and not just a textbook drone. While I don't agree with absolutely everything Miner had to say he got me thinking and that's what mattered. A refreshing read for anyone interested in the truer workings of manners and chivalry. I'd recommend it. You won't be able to put it down.

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Enjoyable, challenging, enlightening

What does it mean to be a gentleman? That is the concept that Miner seeks to explore and does so by examining history, delving into the great concept of chivalry and the time-honored traditions that have transcended generations and cultures to give a foundational view of the concept of a gentleman. While some cultures in some eras associated the concept of the gentleman with social status, title, wealth or birth; Miner argues that the concept is better represented by the concepts of true nobility - character, dignity, restraint and discernment.

Miner is a lover of history and traces the concept of manliness from the days of the knights and the proverbial Round Table to the "women and children first" mentality found on the sinking Titanic. He writes that three masculine archetypes emerge - the warrior, the lover, and the monk - to combine in the character that Miner calls "the compleat gentleman."

Miner's warrior is a man who has something to live for - and is willing to sacrifice his life either to protect it or even to further it. The warrior is not necessarily a man of war, but a man prepared to do battle for that which he loves. His life is marked by preparation for something great and then is lived out pursuing those ideals to which he is called. One great line Miner uses to explain his warrior is from the writings of the great philosopher Epictetus who said, "For it is better to die of hunger, exempt from fear and guilt, than to live in affluence with perturbation."

If Miner's gentleman is willing to die for something he loves, it is because he loves deeply and with great passion. While romantic love definitely makes the list, it is not the sole occupant - love of God, country, and cause are also worthy objects of a gentleman's passions.

Finally, Miner's gentleman is a monk. I loved this one. Miner tells us that the word monk comes from the Greek monakhos, meaning solitary - but Miner's concept of aloneness is time for reflection and study - viewed another way, the monk is a lover "of learning and of truth."

Running throughout the book is the theme sprezzatura - a concept Miner says underlies this "compleat gentleman." It is a self-awareness and self-restraint and differs like night and day from self-centeredness or even apathy. The concept is what Christians might refer to as meekness, a trait often associated with Christ, and clearly as misunderstood. Sprezzatura is the ability to think before one speaks, to grasp the gravity of words and actions; and even to know when inaction or silence is the best avenue. It carries with it a "James Bond" like persona where actions speak louder than words, and the words flow like honey from the lips of a man with a license to kill.

Miner doesn't delude himself or the reader into thinking that this "compleat gentleman" is around every corner; quite to the contrary, "all things excellent are as difficult as they are rare" writes Miner. He gives men something to strive for, something to hold up as an ideal and an understanding that throughout history there have been men who have risen above the standards of the day to truly be called gentlemen - and we sure need more of these in this day and time!

The Compleat Gentlemen is not a Christian book, nor does the author purport it to be so; but Christian men will agree with Miner's argument that men need to be men of honor and integrity. The book is a challenging read, but well worth the effort and I would suggest it for any man, especially for a young man considering the path of his journey.

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

At a time of astonishing confusion about what it means to be a man, Brad Miner has recovered the oldest and best ideal of manhood: the gentleman. Reviving a thousand-year tradition of chivalry, honor, and heroism, The Compleat Gentleman provides the essential model for twenty-first-century masculinity.

Despite our confusion, real manhood is not complicated. It is an ancient ideal based on service to one?s God, country, family, and friends?a simple but arduous ideal worthy of a lifetime of struggle.

Miner?s gentleman stands out for his dignity, restraint, and discernment. He rejects the notion that one way of behaving is as good as another. He belongs to an aristocracy of virtue, not of wealth or birth. Proposing neither a club nor a movement, Miner describes a lofty code of manly conduct, which, far from threatening democracy, is necessary for its survival.

Miner traces the concept of manliness from the jousting fields of the twelfth century to the decks of the Titanic. The three masculine archetypes that emerge?the warrior, the lover, and the monk?combine in the character of the "compleat gentleman." This modern knight cultivates a martial spirit in defense of the true and the beautiful. He treats the opposite sex with the passionate respect required by courtly love. And he values learning in the pursuit of truth?all with the discretion, decorum, and nonchalance that the Renaissance called sprezzatura.

The Compleat Gentleman is filled with examples from the past and the present of the man our increasingly uncivilized age demands.

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