Great book for discussion/review with group of parents

books:


	• Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age Daniel J. Kindlon, 2003 - 288 pages average customer review:based on 18 reviews view larger image
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Interesting focus

Choosing character as the focal point of the book brings out an interesting perspective on raising kids. This book is not about developing smarts, physical or artistic ability, and not even about disciplining your children. Moreover, it goes as far as suggesting that getting your teenager into the right college may be a counterproductive goal (imagine that!) Refreshingly, it zooms in on what kids need to develop a personality, rather than on what, perhaps, parents want them to have, and that alone sets the book apart. Many of the book's findings are based on statistical analysis of focused studies, which again is both rare and welcomed.

Being a parent is a demanding job, but many of us refuse to see it as such. We work enough at work, and at home we often seek some indulgence and fun with our kids. We want to be their friends rather than their guardians. At every moment, we want them to love us, and in any case not hate us. In short, oftentimes we are parenting for ourselves, rather than for our kids, for our convenience and pleasure. All this is not good news for our children. In fact, it betrays our rather passive role in their upbringing.

Some of the findings stand out as less obvious. That eating disorders in most cases can be traced to early childhood. That early learning of self-control, of coping with delayed gratification and boredom lead to higher SAT scores. That most sexually active teens wish they had waited.

The most thriving group of kids participating in the main study shared five characteristics. They had dinner with the family on a regular basis. Their parents were not divorced. Their room was clean. They engaged in community (even household) service. And they did not have a phone in their room.

To summarize, the book's advice seems merely commonsensical: spend more time with your children, set limits, encourage their engagement in an absorbing challenging activity, let them fail so that they have opportunities to learn from their failures. In fact, the book is more than just regurgitation of self-evident truths. Its strength comes from two sources: hard data for its conclusions and practical advice for parents. Truths are often simple (as in dieting: forget the fads, just burn more calories than you take in). But living your daily life according to what you know is right for your children - now there's the rub.

On the personal level, this book will probably help me say "no" to my 4 year-old more easily. And even though parents' "I'm doing it for your own good" argument never made much sense to me, just like ferberizing our child worked, I believe letting my son cope with manageable frustration is ultimately beneficial for him.

I would recommend the book to all parents and, perhaps, to some interested teenagers as well.

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Great book for discussion/review with group of parents

I liked the book and it makes you think about your behavior towards your kids. What kind of parential behavior will help the kids in the long run. I thought it was very well written and this book leans itself very good for review and discussion with a group of parents.

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Thought-provoking and comprehensive

This well-written book covers the main concerns on the minds of parents nowadays. It's a thought-provoking and very useful volume, and the major research study it reports (conducted by the author and his team) is a kind of wake-up call about the troubling condition so many of our youth are in today. Kindlon's advice for parents is sensible and smart.

Aaron Cooper, Ph.D., author of I Just Want My Kids To Be Happy! Why you shouldn't say it, why you shouldn't think it, what you should embrace instead.

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Kindlon didn't tell me a thing I didn't already know.

I am frequently exposed to indulged children, and yes, they often have (or grow up to have) some serious problems as a result of being indulged. This book was right on the money. Aside from the parents who do the indulging, however, what person *doesn't* realize this fact? Unfortunately, those are the very people not likely to read this and benefit from it.

I have no real issues with the book. It's full of truth. It's just that when I was finished, all I could think was, "No shock, Sherlock."

reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4

More and more children are growing up without a clear sense of financial or emotional limits. The number of households with incomes between $100,000 and $200,000 more than doubled in the last ten years. The Washington Post recently reported findings from U.S. Bancorp that even lower-income families are buying and spending more than ever on their children. But whether the cause is over-indulgence due to a new affluence or over-compensation for a lack of time spent with themespecially when both parents are workingmany parents have created a world where their childrens every need and desire is instantly fulfilled. But, as Dr. Kindlon points out, the one thing money cant buy for children is character. Dr. Kindlon shows that many of todays parents are spoiling their children, for many different reasons. Identifying Seven Sins of Indulgence: Disrespectfulness, Goal-lessness, Narcissism, Naivet, Amorality, Inability to Tolerate Boredom, and Underachievement, Dr. Kindlon guides parents toward helping their childrenand themselvesunderstand the consequences of giving too much and expecting too little. Of vital interest, both to families and to all concerned about future consequences to a generation of children surrounded by a sea of new choices and a lack of responsibilities, Too Much of a Good Thing delivers important advice and guidelines that no parent should be without.

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