Good encouragement about standing up for yourself and your kids

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	• Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads: Dealing with the Parents, Teachers, Coaches, and Counselors Who Can Make--or ... Rosalind Wiseman, Elizabeth Rapoport Crown, 2006 - 352 pages average customer review:based on 15 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Look out, queen bee moms/kingpin dads! We're on to you!

Again, Rosalind Wiseman is giving us moms, and women in general, the information necessary to go up against the queen bee moms and kingpin dads out there! And I laughed when reading one of the negative reviews, because I can guarantee you that the information in this book hit a nerve with that particular reviewer...buzzzzzzzzzzz. Thanks, Ms. Wiseman! Knowledge is power.

Uneven advice brings this book down

This book does contain some helpful information. I specifically appreciate the parts on decoding what others are saying and things you are to never say (like "I don't know what you're teaching your kids, but we teach ours to be polite"). I also really enjoyed the quotes from teachers, counselors, coaches and principals.

However, some of the suggestions for dealing with conflict boggle my mind. For instance, the author says if someone else schedules a birthday party on the same day as your child's party, you should call up the other parents, and suggest a joint party or give them the chance to "do the right thing," which is apparently for those parents to cancel/reschedule their child's party. I find this to be absurd, impractical, and potentially embarrassing to your child. First of all, if you are the one with the problem with the parties, you should reschedule your child's party. Why are you trying to make your problem their problem? Perhaps you could make a joint party work, but either that child wasn't invited to your child's party in the first place, or that child WAS invited but decided to have his own party. Either way, it doesn't bode well for a joint party. I think another suggestion was for the parents of both kids to send out a joint letter stating that they expect the kids to honor their first commitment to one of the parties. Again, I find this micromanaging and awkward.

There are other instances of this but I think you can get the idea. First she says don't micromanage your child's social life and then seems to suggest you do that very thing. There is helpful information here, just don't swallow everything without a little common sense.

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A must read for every parent

Although, I only have a four and a two year old. I know that the time will come when I have to handle certain situations that are described in her book. Like what to do when my daughter doesnt want to invite a girl to her party, or when my son thinks that he got a grade he didnt deserve. Although some of the situations wont happen to me, because I live in a small town, but I think that this book will help every involved parent that wants the best for their kids.

Good encouragement about standing up for yourself and your kids

The author gives good examples about how to confront another parent. The best part of the book for me was where she points out that apologies are important, and suggests how to ask for an apology and to give a sincere apology yourself.

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Finding the Strength to Stand Up for Our Kids (and Stepkids)

If you've ever tried to get involved in the PTA and wondered why you left feeling insecure about your abilities as a parent, winced at hearing a dad (or mom) comment loudly and negatively on the soccer abilities of 5-year-olds from the sidelines, or sat silently while the booster club is hijacked by a parent who's a bully, then you'll find much to appreciate in this book.

A never-ending series of power plays among parents - the dramas that all of us see every day - are dramatically affecting our children and their schools, playing fields, and life skill development. Wiseman spotlights parents who live out their own insecurities through their kids. They push their children to take a whirlwind of classes, load them up with extra-curricular activities, and fret that it's not enough to gain admittance to the Ivy League. So it goes one step further - to bullying school administrators, blackballing other kids, and swooping in to rescue our children from the lessons they desperately need to learn on their own.

It's no surprise to see her expertly slice and dice the undercurrents surrounding a Queen Bee Mom and her posse, as they turn a cold shoulder to the new parent stumbling into the book fair planning committee. Wiseman also wrote Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence, the landmark New York Times bestseller on relational aggression in girls.

Several personas - from Caveman Dad to Hovercraft Mom, flit through the pages. They're not labels per se - but tools that help us understand our own roles and behaviors.

There is no prissy-footing or tip-toeing around the big issues here. The book offers solid advice with scripts to help parents stand up and build a culture of civility and respect that helps all our children. She encourages parents to challenge the often aggressive, inappropriate, and plain over-the-top behavior exhibited by many parents today.

It's a field guide in handling uncomfortable conversations between parents and adults who care about children. For example, a dad overhears a couple of women calling his daughter a slut because of how she is dressed. For most parents - the options that immediately come to mind are to start a shouting match with the women, or to slink off in silence. In reality - the dad didn't like the way his daughter was dressed, and would like for her to dress differently - and was struggling in his relationship with her. Wiseman offers a scripted conversation to guide how the dad could approach these women, state what he overheard, and ask for the situation he'd like to see happen instead.

And the reader is not off the hook, either. Wiseman encourages all of us to reflect on our own behaviors and motivations, and consider how we can be part of a community that values its members, treats people with dignity, and supports our children. The conversational and warm tone make for easy reading. Although the book talks directly to parents, there is much of value here for stepparents, educators, and others who care about children and their well-being. As a former youth worker who endured more than a few parental barrages - I found much of comfort and value in this book. As a stepmom to three, I saw some of my own experiences and observations mirrored, picked up a boatload of helpful advice, and considered my own attitudes and behavior.

I met author Rosalind Wiseman during the National Book Festival in Washington, DC last year. I was impressed with her energy and commitment to helping us all build positive communities for our children. When she inscribed her autograph in my book, she added "Stay strong!" We all need to hear that.

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3

8 Things You'll Learn from Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads

Rosalind Wiseman was gracious enough to give us a sneak peek at the advice found in her new book, and we're kind enough to share. So, if you've ever found yourself in any of the following situations, Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads is the book for you:

1. Your kid, who attends every practice diligently, gets lots of "pine time" on the bench, while other kids who aren't nearly as good get more play time. Should you say anything to the coach?

2. Your daughter fights with her best friend, who shuts her out of the clique. The best friend's Mom says, "I really think the girls should work it out, don't you?"

3. An angry father shouts down the principal at the PTA meeting, saying, "I know I speak for all parents here when I say..." while you disagree completely. Should you speak up?

4. You walk by two women and overhear them saying about a girl nearby, "She looks like such a slut." That's your daughter they're talking about. Should you confront them?

5. Your son goes to a party where there's drinking. When the cops bust up the party, your kid gets suspended too, even though he wasn't drinking. Should you protest?

6. Your daughter doesn't get invited to "the" party of the season, which is being given by one of her good friends. Should you call the other mother?

7. They're putting the squeeze on you to join yet another school committee, but you're already stretched thin with your full-time job. How can you say no?

8. The principal busts your kid for cheating, and now his chances for getting into a good college are ruined. It was a one-time offense, and you think the principal is making too big a deal of the incident. Should you challenge the school to get it expunged from his high school transcript?

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