A wonderful example of a life fully lived!

books:

	• Lessons in Becoming Myself Ellen Burstyn Riverhead Trade, 2007 - 464 pages average customer review:based on 43 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

so much better than expected

I picked up "Lessons" on the way to a summer vacation simply because I like memoirs and there it was. I expected nothing more than a white suburban girl makes good story while clawing her way to Hollywood. Instead, you are off on a tour of world religions, meetings with great intellectuals, spirit quests, horrifying abuse, and relentless self examination. To paraphrase Emerson "the examined life makes great reading"! What a wonderful read; so sad when you have to put it down. Here's wishing for a sequel -- and soon.

A wonderful example of a life fully lived!

"Thank you" Ellen Burstyn for writing with such honest, open, brave and detail oriented language. I was able to fully visualize every amazing episode of your life. And what a life!!! I'm exhausted from all the incredible experiences you had! I am truly dumbfounded how you survived it all??? You are a wonderful example of "living life to the fullest" and being a teacher/student all thru one's life.

I've always admired your work as an actress. THE LAST PICTURE SHOW, THE KING OF MARVIN GARDENS, THE EXORCIST and ALICE DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE have always been at the top of my "favorite films" list. And your performances in these films are sincere, emotional and real. But, to read about what you were going thru behind the scenes is what makes you a truly unique person and humanitarian.

I believe we learn so much about life thru the art of storytelling. You are a gifted storyteller and by passing on the stories of your life you have enhanced mine with a reawakened "spiritual" curiosity about the mystery/meaning of life. Your willingness to share your thoughts concerning your spiritual journey was life-affirming!

"Thank you" Ellen Burstyn for taking this reader on a journey filled with laughter, pain, strength, determination and a desire to connect with all human-beings/animals that came into your life. Your words moved me and your book will hold an honored place on my shelf of "favorite" biographies!

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Amazing woman, excellent book

In these times when our culture is focusing on so many lost souls in Hollywood, Ellen Burstyn's book emerges with honesty, insight and lessons for all of us. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about her life and how she overcame an extremely unloving and abusive childhood to emerge as a strong and powerful woman and incredible actress. As a 45 year old woman it is people like Ellen Burstyn that inspire me on this journey of life. She is an incredibly wise soul and I am very grateful she shared her life with us in such a frank and open way.

Getting to Know You

Ellen Burstyn has always been one of my favorite actresses. Her warmth and sensitivity has always illuminated her performances, and her bravery in tackling difficult material such as Requiem for a Dream has been impressive. This book tells why she is able to let herself go in roles that other actors would soft pedal.

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A Searching, Self-Introspective Account

Down in the basement of my house, there is a room where I store my archives: every script I've ever worked on, photos taken of me and photos I've taken, diaries, journals, appointment books, calendars, and notebooks from all the way back to my beginnings. (p. 3)

So begins the life story of Ellen Burstyn, as told by Ellen Burstyn in free-flowing narrative. The reader is given a glimpse into the most private parts of Burstyn's life, starting with her earliest memories. Burstyn actually began what became this book in 1980. As her opening remarks tell us, she had a lot of documentation with which to work. Just as important as her physical records, though, are those she finds in her "inner archive."

When I need to access a particular emotion for a role, I imagine taking an elevator down to my inner archive, where I quietly flip through the files until some memory rises up and offers itself. Then I move into that event and it comes alive in me. (p. 3)

Burstyn also has a remarkable memory for conversations and many of these find their way into her writing. She claims to have trained her memory--a good trait for an actress and also for a memoirist.

This is a searching, self-introspective account. One might liken it to reading someone's journal or diary, so intimate are the glimpses into her most private experiences. She "speaks" to her audience (her readers), but just as often seems to be addressing herself, questioning a choice she made, second-guessing her reaction to an event, or wondering aloud why some things have been so hard to learn. She gives a great deal of attention to presenting and explaining the various faith beliefs and credos which she encountered and studied throughout her life. She identified herself as a Sufi, a searcher for truth in its purest form. "I learn from all traditions without being restricted to just one way," she says. "Truth has no boundaries." (p. 403) Burstyn has little use for organized religion, whose dogma and rules she finds confining.

Having seen Ellen Burstyn in a wide variety of movie roles, I would have thought she was a confident, secure, strong woman. Now in her seventy-seventh year, she may be strong, but that was not always the case. Becoming herself has been a life-long process, and often a grueling journey.

It would be impossible in a short time to present all of the life issues Burstyn addresses in her memoir. However, there is one which I believe played a huge part in not only who she became, but also how she got there. From her earliest days, she identified truth, or the lack of it, as a major issue with her mother, Coriene. Dishonesty was a huge factor for young Edna Rae Gillooly/Ellen. While demanding absolute honesty from her children, Coriene then perversely demanded that they lie for her. Coriene also lied about them, even denying their existence if it seemed expedient, going so far as to introduce Edna to a gentleman friend as her "neighbor down the street." Coriene thought that acknowledging her children might adversely affect her chances of getting a marriage proposal. Of these practices, Ellen said, "Her deceit did so much harm. It created a negative atmosphere of anger, resentment and hostility that pervaded our home and had abiding repercussions for all of us." (pg. 18)

Indeed, much of Burstyn's searching throughout her life centered on finding truth in many manifestations. She attributes the early and constant honesty issues with her mother as one of the main reasons she chose to be a Sufi.

Burstyn does not glamorize her life. She shares her failures as well as her fame. She is open about the abuses she suffered both as a child and as an adult. On one hand, she knew how destructive it was, but on the other, she couldn't seem to break away from it. It's a continuing theme of her life story. At one point, she acknowledged, "it would take many years before I stopped seeking out the pattern of relating to men that I learned at home...we just keep repeating it because that's what we know." Her relationship with Neil Burstyn caused trauma for years; she actually feared for her life at times. She admitted to being in denial over the severity of his condition.

Another recurrent theme is that of learning from mistakes. Burstyn freely admits to many of hers. She struggled with giving up to men what she perceived rightly as her power, simply because they were men. "We learn from our mistakes" she says. "This was one of mine that I repeated over and over until I got it right. I've heard it said that when you make a mistake and don't learn from it, the next time you have to repeat that lesson, it will be even harder." (p.295) Later she asks "Who knows what mistakes we need to make in order to learn the lessons we came here to learn?" Who among us cannot relate to that? Likewise, she sees the people in her life as teachers. Her mother may have been harsh and unloving, but she gave young Edna the impetus to leave home and make something of herself. A homeless person teaches her how vital it is that we are seen, that we are acknowledged as fellow humans. The book's dedication simply thanks "all my teachers."

Lessons in Becoming Myself is a good read presented by a woman who has finally come to know herself. The pace of the book is steady and she maintains the reader's interest by being so transparent and open. Few of us, I believe, could read this book and not find some commonality with this icon of film and stage.

She ends this account of her life thus far with these words "I know that becoming conscious is a never-ending process. My prayer is that by the actual end of this life, I will exit wearing my own true face and be completely unmasked. Authenticity has been my aspiration." A fitting and yet ironic commentary on the life of a consummate actress, a woman who has worn many masks so successfully in her chosen profession.

by Susan Ideus
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

One of the great performers of our time recounts her personal, professional, and spiritual lives, from her troubled childhood in Detroit to her triumphant film career as an award-winning film and stage actress.

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